For years it has been the other way around now hasn’t it. The man gets up the courage to walk over to the woman and shyly asks her if he could do her the honor of buying her a drink! She says yes, you buy her the drink, if she is nice you talk for five minutes and then she wanders off to leave you alone with your right hand later that evening.

Why doesn’t this work? Well, psychological studies have shown that when a man buys a woman a drink not only will she never like him; she will in fact come to detest him! (Yes, the study used the word detest!)

So honestly, one of the most powerful methods you can use to display value to a woman (meaning that you are a man of value to society) is to get her to buy you a drink!

Crazy you say, absolutely insane, but the truth of it is that it is entirely possible to accomplish this.

Here are some very powerful methods that you can use to get women to start buying you the drinks!

1. Story time

Tell a story where a different woman bought you a drink. Of course, you can’t say, “So I was in this bar and this woman bought me a drink” and then smirk like an idiot. But by telling a story where another woman bought you a drink you show her that it is entirely possible and plausible for a woman to buy you a drink!

Here is a great story I put together that has so much persuasion and psychologies in it I know the open minded of you out there are going to absolutely love it!

Check this out. I was at this bar the other night and I met this really cool girl and we hit it off so she offered to buy me a drink. So I agreed and we walked over to the bar and I told her since she is buying she has to choose the drink. So she gave like this evil smile that made me worried, kind of like your smile, and she ordered something I can’t even pronounce from the bartender.

Then the bartender started smiling and I was like, hooooolly shit. This cannot be good. So the bartender mixed a bunch of stuff up and put it together and then I swear to god he lit it on fire, and while it’s still on fucking fire this girl tells me to down it! So we both downed it and I felt fine- till like 30 seconds later- I don’t think I have ever been that drunk from one drink in my entire life! Was a great night though!

What this did was several things.

1. It clearly showed that women offer to buy you drinks regularly.
2. Because I said, “So I agreed” it implants in the woman’s mind that I don’t just let anybody buy me a drink.
3. I compared her to the woman who bought me a drink. Psychological studies have shown that somebody is going to be way more likely to do something new to them if they hear that somebody like them did it also. So I incorporated this into the story so she identifies with this girl in the story and she pictures herself doing the shot with me.

The Final Straw

Now there is one more thing that you can add to the end to really send her over the edge and pretty much guarantee she will buy you the drink: Here is what you add:

I doubt if when you buy me a drink it will be that exciting but I am sure that with the creativity we both possess we can think of something.

If you look closely, this is a sentence made up of three presuppositions. A presupposition is a statement where you assume that the person is going to do something…for instance, “If we go to California do you want to go to the playboy mansion” is NOT a presupposition because you are saying, “if” meaning you aren’t sure. But if you say, “When we go to California we will go to the playboy mansion” what happens is is that since you are assuming you guys are already going to California people go along with it! (So instead of saying to the girl, “If we go on a date we will get sushi,” say, “WHEN we go on a date we will get sushi” and she will be about 60% more likely to agree to the date.)

So NOW, what we have done is put THREE presuppositions into this sentence and the advantage to putting three is that psychological studies have shown that putting three shuts down the conscious brain and lets what you say go directly to a person’s unconscious mind! This is a very powerful technique: So what were the three presuppositions?!

1. That she will buy me a drink.
2. That she is creative and finally…
3. That we will think of something.

That’s a fun little bit of psychology now isn’t it.

Also, if she answers, “There is no way I am buying you a drink” (and after all that the chances are very low that she is going to say that but if she does…) then just respond, “Damn! I guess we are going to be sober all night.” And then bring the subject up again later by saying, “Woo, I am parched! Tell you what, you get the first round and I’ll get the second!”

**By the way, just a quick funny story: When I was first playing around with this technique I was not sure I would be able to pull it off. So the first time the girl said, “Alright, what are you drinking?” I said, “Are you serious?” and she was like, “Yeah,” to which I responded, “And you are paying?” and again she said “yeah” and I responded, “Are you serious?”

It was a funny 12 seconds as I realized that this actually worked.

2. Responses

Here is another fun one I know you guys will enjoy. If the girl says, “Do you want to go get a drink?” or “Let’s go get a drink” don’t offer to pay, as she is testing you. Instead say:

“Yeah! That sounds great, I’ll take a jack and coke (or whatever drink you want)” If you say this with conviction as if you really mistook her meaning I promise you that it will work!

And if it doesn’t, just say the famous line:

You get the first round and I’ll get the second.

3.The 5 Question Game

Here are some games you can play that will ensure getting a drink from a woman:

This is a common game played by people called Pick Up Artists but there is no reason you cannot use it to just have fun. Here is how you do it…

• You: Hey, we are going to make a little bet. We are going to play a game- basically I am going to ask you five questions and you have to answer each one of them falsely! If you answer it truthfully then you lose and you buy me a drink. If you win I buy you a drink. Deal?
• Her: Deal!
• You: Excellent. So where are you from?
• Her: Jersey.
• You: How old are you?
• Her: 75
• You: Ok, what kind of car do you drive?
• Her: A Honda.
• You: How many people are in your family?
• Her: 25.

(Now at this point you have asked her four questions….so you say to her)

• You: Damn! (And reach for your wallet as if you are about to buy her a drink) have you ever played this game before?
• Her: No.
• You: Aaaaaaaaaaand I got you on the fifth question.

**Some tips:

1. Space out the answers, she won’t be counting and you don’t want her to think that too little time has passed. So if you space them out then her conscious mind is going to be preoccupied with answering and her unconscious is going to pick up that enough time has passed for 5 questions to have been asked!
2. It is important to reach for your wallet when asking, “Have you played this before?” because she will be so excited about winning that she won’t think and will answer automatically!

4. The #17 Game

This happens to be a really fun one:

You: We are going to play a game. Basically you cannot say the number 17! If you do you buy me a drink. Deal?

• Her: Deal.
• You: Excellent. What’s 2+2?
• Her: 4
• You: What’s 4+4?
• Her: 8
• You: What’s 8+8?
• Her: 16
• You: What is 20+20?
• Her: 40
• You: What is 40+40?
• Her: 80
• You: What is 80-4?
• Her: 76
• You: What is 76-6?
• Her: 70
• You: Ha! You owe me a drink! I got you to say 70.
• Her: No! You said 17 not 70!
• You: ….and you just said it right there! I’ll take a Jack and Coke.

These last games are ways of tricking the woman into doing it and are very cute and you gain a lot of value from them. I would suggest mixing the two up…or play these games for a kiss or anything else you might desire.

They are both very good although the one I gave you displays more social value. If you get the woman to want to buy you a drink it is higher value than if you trick her into doing so, although the tricking her also plays with her emotional scale so they both have immense merits!

Good luck and enjoy getting drunk as these will work every time. Fore more great dating tips, check out my book Dating and Dancing!

About the Author: Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. Visit stylesofthemind.com and follow him on twitter or facebook.

So those of you who have trudged along with the hordes of people to see the newest sensation Bruno might be wondering why on earth Sacha Baron Cohen is still alive, let alone incredibly successful. Why do we enjoy watching this man do things that even in our worst nightmares we would never ever do?!

Well actually, believe it or not, Sacha has displayed a drastic example of something that we as a society love- risk takers! We all admire the entrepreneurs, the sky divers, the rock climbers, the men and women who take chances! And the reason is simple: People who take chances and are not afraid are the ones who are incredibly successful within our society: at both dating and business!

What we all love about Borat and Bruno is that because he lacks any inhibition (and when I say any I mean any) to do the things he does we see him as a tremendous risk taker and therefore we psychologically, unconsciously admire him! We admire his confidence, his quick wit and the fact that he is seemingly comfortable and even enjoying the situations he puts himself into.

So Sacha Beren Cohen has given us a great method for developing confidence- leave your comfort zone! The reason why people don’t succeed is because they find a situation they are comfortable with and they refuse to leave. But we here at Styles of the Mind refuse to allow that to continue! You deserve to be as successful as Bruno and therefore this article is going to give you a list of challenges you can do that are going to be both fun and develop your confidence beyond anything you will ever imagine.

Now of course, we are not suggesting you dress in your skimpiest outfit and wear a suit made entirely of Velcro…but here are some things that might be more up your alley! If you truly do these exercises I swear to you that you will immediately see an incredible difference in the way that people react to you and deal with you. You will become powerful and influential quickly. (By the way, do all of these things with a friend who is willing to push you. Push each other to complete these challenges)

The Challenges

The Subway Challenge

Those of you living in New York may have had the good fortune of running into myself or Mo Mehlman doing our now legendary subway speeches. Here is what you do. While on a bus or subway you get up and in front of the entire subway car or bus profess your love for literature, tell a fun soliloquy, a poem, sing a song or anything else you might prefer. Check out the video below of me performing the Subway Challenge:

The purpose of this is simple. After getting up and giving a speech about nothing to an entire subway car full of people it will be a cinch to go ahead and flirt with that cute guy, or make friends with random people in a lounge. At least you don’t have an entire subway car looking at you whilst you speak.

The Umbrella Challenge

This was a suggestion given to me by an avid reader: Basically go into a mall, open up an umbrella, walk around (indoors) and start conversations with people. When asked why you have an umbrella open indoors simply declare: “because of the rain of course”.

The Forehead Clock

This is a particularly fun one also taken from classical psychology. Paint a blue clock on your forehead with the time on it and then walk around asking people for the time. (There is actually a difference between using blue and red. Ill let you find out what the difference is. If you really want to know drop me an email.

The Sky Stare

This is a fun one. Go to a central place with a few friends (you need around four) then all you need do is get you and your four friends to stand there and stare up at the ceiling. Do this for about three minutes and you will actually find that other people will stop and simply stare at the ceiling along with you. Staring at nothing of course is the general idea.

The Peacock Challenge

Find an incredibly crazy hat, an incredibly crazy jacket, put the two together and then walk around and talk to people. Of course I don’t suggest you do this at your best friends birthday party but rather at a place where you will not be recognized and you can be free to experiment to get out of your comfort zone!

You will find that people’s reactions to you tend to be amazingly different than normal and not in a bad way. In a surprisingly good way.

The Random Opener Challenge

This is an important one and I again want to stress how important it is for you to have a friend who will push you and help you to do these challenges. This challenge is to walk over to a random stranger and ask an incredibly strange question, my favorite for this being, “Excuse me, where can I get a stuffed monkey?”

The purpose of this is simple. After asking this sort of strange question to a random stranger walking over to somebody who is a possible business connection or date and asking a normal question is going to be incredibly easy!

The Yoga Challenge

This one is simple. Find a group of people, doing yoga, exercise, jogging, or even standing around talking and walk over and join them! Say this as you join them: “Sorry I am late everyone, traffic was murder” and join in on the exercise. (Those of you located in New York, visit central park on a Sunday and you will find plenty of yoga groups I promise you.)

So all of this sounds intense, after all would you actually go and do these things? Well yes, those of you who want to head out and have a good time while actually doing challenges that will tremendously up your confidence level should call a friend, print out this article and immediately get a move on. After all, you have no idea what you are missing out on until you try now do you?

And remember this: If you are afraid to do it, you have an obligation to yourself to do it! Take a chance, take the risk and grow as a person!

About the Author: Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. Visit stylesofthemind.com and follow him on twitter or facebook:

So I have had a flood of requests from the male readers among you asking recently how to appear and come off as more powerful and in control. It really is a terrific question and this article is hopefully going to help you to bring out your true self. You see, we are all powerful just in different areas. (The computer programmer who seems timid and meek when talking with women suddenly becomes a powerhouse of confidence when put in front of a computer and told to program!) So this article is about taking that confidence and teaching you how to project it in all situations of your lives.

The Body is a Temple

We all hate the word’s “body language”. Assuredly you had some stupid seminar in high school or read a boring book assigned to you that explained how you should act and give off good body language. Well, lets make this a little more fun than that shall we? Here are my top four  tips for using your body to appear confident and in control.

1) Take Up Space

You should never be standing less than about a shoulder width and a half apart. The best stance to take up is legs spread apart. (But be aware that this may seem aggressive so make sure to compliment this stance with a relaxed or even smiling expression.)

2) Shoulders Back and Relaxed

Don’t hunch and let your shoulders relax. We are very good at picking up when people are tense and the two places where we tense the most (in uncomfortable situations) are the jaw and shoulders. If you have a problem relaxing your shoulders take your hands and put them behind your back. Walk that way. It is considered elegant and powerful and will automatically broaden your shoulders and chest.

3) Smile

Confident people are smiling because they arent worried and are comfortable in that situation. Now I don’t mean a wide ear to ear grin like a flaming idiot, but rather a gentle relaxed smile of acknowledgment when interacting with another person. Seriously, work on your smile and get one that compliments your face. Yes, as lame as it sounds, stand in front of a mirror and work on a smile that you feel makes you look confident.

4) Chin Up

Confident people have their heads up (exposing their necks slightly. The reason we see this as confident is because evolutionarily we are programmed to protect our necks…a confident man who knows he can take care of himself isnt going to be worried about that and will have no problem exposing his neck.) Be careful not to have your head in the sky however, everything in moderation gentlemen.

5) Limit Large Hand Motions

a certain amount of hand motions are good, it adds to the story and makes it easier for people to follow you, however at a certain point it becomes overboard. Studies have continuously shown that people who are higher class and more confident severely limit their hand motions when they are having an interaction. Keep this in mind- if you are reminding people of Chandler when you talk it might be time to change.

Powerful Interactions

So confident body language is really only the first step although it is a huge one! (Furthermore, studies by Paul Ekman have shown that if you adopt a certain body language your mindset will change to reflect your body language. So if you are uncomfortable in a certain setting, but your body language is confident, you will actually feel more confident!) However, here are some further tips that are going to really help you to be seen as confident and charismatic.

1) Speak Slowly

There are two reasons why people speak quickly: a) They are uncomfortable, b) They are very comfortable but their cognitive process is particularly fast and therefore they speak quickly to try to get everything out that is on their minds. Sadly, only psychologists (and now you) know about reason b. Everybody else assumes that if you are speaking quickly it is because you are nervous!

2) Pause

This is considered a really hypnotic technique and it is used by pretty much every professional speaker in the world. They pause at certain points… in order to continuously…capture…and keep…your…interest. Use this. (You can even take a quick drink in the middle of a sentence! “You are SO….”takes drink”…Funny!”)

3) Walk as if You are Busy

You can always tell an important person by the way they walk! When you are walking about town move with purpose and precision and I promise you this will cause people to sit up and pay attention.

4) Lean Back

The person who is the most leaned back is the person who is the most powerful in that situation so the more leaned back you can be do it. This includes leaning back against a wall, allowing yourself to relax in a chair…the key thing here is to be relaxed! Remember, relaxed people are confident and powerful people!

Active Power

Now for the fun part of the article:

1) The Handshake

Make sure that when you shake somebody’s hand, your palm is to the floor. This will make somebody automatically feel dominated (which will make them automatically adhere to what you say with amazing accuracy!)

For more information on how to shake hands properly check out this clip:

2) Verbal Power

There is something called conversational dominance which is a way of making sure that you aren’t conversationally dominated by another person. Basically, powerful businessmen (and women) will try to dominate you by asking you a string of questions, the more you answer, the more under their spell you shall fall. So how do you protect against it?

Well when somebody is trying to dominate you conversationally they will ask you questions and expect you to answer them very quickly. (Now this is not to be mistaken for genuine curiosity.) I remember I was at a hotel networking event with my father and we met an old friend of my fathers. The man was very dominant, very “hocker” (Yiddish for salesman) like and he immediately asked me, “How old are you?” and I came right back and said, “How old do you think I am?” and the man went, “Whoaaaa! We got a slick one here!”

He had tried to dominate me and I didn’t let it happen, I deflected it by not answering but not insulting him at the same time. People will try to dominate other people by quickly asking them lots of questions and the more you answer the more under that persons control you will fall. (Psychologically and unconsciously of course. Not physically.)

So how does it work? Well, during the first five minutes of an interaction, when you are asked a question like, “Where are you from? What do you do? How old are you?” you are going to answer in one of two ways:

1. By making them answer a question for you first: Meaning, you can absolutely tell the person how old you are! But first make them guess! Make them do something for you before you do something for them. This is very important and it will start allowing you to be seen as attractive to women and powerful to men!
2. Answer in a fun way: “Where are you from?” Im actually from a little cardboard box on the side of the road…etc. (Credit: Erik Von Markovick).

If you are ever at a loss or don’t have something particularly witty to say just say, “Guess”. If you say this with conviction and confidence then people will guess for you and therefore you have successfully taken control of their subconscious minds.

About the Author: Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. Visit stylesofthemind.com and follow him on twitter or facebook:

As per my usual M.O, all these techniques can be used immediately after you read them and they are among my favorite techniques to use. (And the beautiful thing is that these only scratch the surface of what you can do!) So let’s get started.

Technique #1: The “Because” Technique

We have all met people who have this unique ability that they can simply say something and you will just seem to agree with it. They just have a way with words and we find ourselves wanting to go along with whatever they say (“go on the floor and bark on all fours”…ok, fine that’s after a few tequila shots but you get the idea). Well check this out: A study was done where they had a young lady approach people waiting at the copy machine and she said this: “Excuse, may I cut in front, I am in a rush.”

So guess how many people let her cut? 60% which isn’t bad mind you. But then they tried it again (on a different group of people) but THIS time they had her say, “Excuse me, may I cut in front of you because I am in a rush.” Guess what percentage of people let her cut in front now….Ninety percent!

Did you see the difference in what she said because that is the key? The first time she said: “Excuse me, May I cut in front, I am in a rush.” and the second time she said, “Excuse me, may I cut in front BECAUSE I am in a rush.”

That little word, “Because” changed the compliance rate within people from 60% to 90% which is an incredible jump!

So why does this happen? The answer is simple. We as humans need reasons for things and the second we are given a reason for something we go along with it as opposed to questioning it. So give people a reason for why you want them to do something and people are going to start listening to you 40% more automatically! (“We should go on a date because you are going to love hanging out with me.”  “You should buy this plan because it is the best one on the market for you! Seemingly tailor made to your situations because it has X, Y and Z.)

Technique #2: The Social Expectancy Effect:

This is one of my personal favorite techniques and I have personally watched this work on some of the hardest lined bastards of the investment and real estate worlds. Here is the basic idea. As much as we pretend we don’t want to conform and we all want to be “individual” we all have this inner need to conform to what society thinks of us. (Even gothic people, considered the ultimate “anti conformists” still conform to what they believe is society!) So watch this:

BY SIMPLY SAYING HOW YOU WANT A PERSON TO BEHAVE THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT! But you have to know the trick.

What you do to make this work is you have to tell the person how OTHER people have told you what that person is like. So for instance, let’s say you are about to meet somebody who you need to like you (for whatever reason, it’s your boyfriends mother, your potential new boss). What you are going to say is this:

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you. Everyone has told me that you are a very open minded, fun person. I like meeting people like that.” Now several things have happened here:

1) Because we as humans want to conform, what is going to happen is that this person will want to prove society right by now behaving the way you said! Since he or she believes that everybody else that knows them thinks that they are fun and open-minded they will behave like that so that way everyone is right! This is an incredibly powerful technique that has yet to fail me!

2) You have flattered them without seeming like a kiss up! Because you aren’t the one who said it, “other people” said it so you are off the hook! You are merely the messenger but it definitely still puts the other person in a good mood.

Technique #3: The Foot in the Door Effect

This is also known as “The Yes Train” and I remember the first time I tried it I was floored at how well it worked! I had first read it in a persuasion book by Kevin Hogan many years ago and had dismissed it. Then I started seeing it more and more in different publications and decided to give it a whirl. Let’s just say that it works incredibly . Basically it’s this. While you are talking to someone get them to say yes, and continue to get them to say yes. What this does is that it gets the person used to saying yes to you so when the time comes to ask them whether they want to buy a certain product, or whether they want to go on a date with you, or whether they want to buy you that pretty sparkly four carrot ring (as my current girlfriend keeps pestering me for) they will do it!

Getting a person to say yes is very simple. While you are talking to them ask, “Are you an open minded person?” they will say yes. “Do you like having amazing times?” yes. “Do you enjoy long walks on the beach?” yes. “Do you want to meet new, fun adventurous people?” yes. “Do you want to come with me to this really cool drum circle party on the beach Friday night?” yes.

It’s as simple as that. Do anything to get the person continuously saying yes and they will say yes afterward just because it fits with everything else!

Technique #4: Hijacking the Brain

No you are not going to hold anybody up at gunpoint…it’s going to be much more subtle than that. Have you ever gotten the feeling where you just knew that somebody “got you”? Like you knew that you and that other person were kind of on the same wavelength. I am sure that you have. Well there is a reason why you feel that with some people. Basically, when we see that somebody else is feeling the same thing we are feeling we assume that the person is exactly like us! Since they are feeling the same as we are they must be the same as we are. (That’s why there seems to be this unexplainable connection with the other people in comedy clubs or horror rides…because we are all reacting the same way, therefore, we are all feeling the same way, and therefore we must all have the same types of personalities!)

And what happens is this. When you successfully hijack someone’s brain they are going to listen to you and be much more likely to comply with you since they see you as them! It’s an incredible thing to watch happen! So how do you do it? Simple:

START TAKING GUESSES AS TO HOW SOMEONE IS FEELING AND VERBALIZE IT!

For instance let’s say you are trying to sell somebody a certain product and they walk in. A good thing to start off saying would be, “Now I know you might be skeptical about coming in and thinking we are going to try to trick you but the truth is ______ BECAUSE_____.” Right there you have a dynamite sentence that is going to open up this potential client!

Or, “I know you must be feeling nervous going out on a first date with a guy you barely know, but let’s take nervousness and turn it into excitement….” And then proceed to be fun, light and outgoing to help further put the person at ease.

Start taking guesses as to how others are feeling and verbalize it. If you are wrong they won’t remember but if you are RIGHT they will remember for a very long time! (Quick Tip: We don’t remember when people are wrong about assumptions but we are floored when they are right! Its how mentalists and psychics are still around…but that’s for a different article. Visit, www.stylesofthemind.com for more on that.)

Technique #5: Half and Half

And last but certainly not least we have the “Half and Half” technique. This technique is used tremendously by hypnotists and is incredibly powerful and yet easy to pull off! Basically check this out. Psychological studies have shown that when we agree with the first half of a statement we automatically have to agree with the second half of it! So a classic hypnotist induction is:

“As you sit there with your feet on the floor and your hands on the armrest you can start to feel your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier.”

Because the person agrees with the first part (after all, they are sitting there with their feet on the floor and their hands on the armrests- that part is true- so it must be the second part of that statement, that the eyelids are getting heavy- is also true and they begin to feel their eyelids getting heavier!)

But how do you use this in real life? Well simple, when you are talking to somebody you are trying to persuade, say something at the beginning that is factual that they have to agree with, “You are a man with principles and therefore you can see how good this would be for your company.”

Or my personal favorite, “You as a woman, can certainly agree with the fact that…..” or “You as a man can certainly agree with the fact that….” By saying that at the beginning they have to agree with it because nobody is going to argue on their gender.

Anyways, there you have it. Some of the most powerful influence techniques around that you can go out and start using immediately! For more information visit, www.stylesofthemind.com or feel free to facebook me: www.facebook.com/datingcoach or email me, yehuda@stylesofthemind.com

I would like to emphasize once and for all that if this was the case…if there was one line that would get you any job, there would be no such thing as the unemployed. But in today’s economy we see that it’s obviously not true.

However, my dearest friends, while there is no one way to tell whether somebody is lying, there are many indications that we are going to learn about in this article and when you put everything together, you can become a human lie detector! So with that said, lets jump right into it!

Establishing a Baseline

With every little trick in the book people forget one very basic precept, people are different! (This is called the Hawthorn Error, forgetting that different people do different things while lying). Therefore, while most people do in fact adhere to these guidelines we shall lay down you still have to realize the differences within people.

Allow me, my ill informed comrades, to give you a great example and also, to give away one of my trade secrets. I have a unique ability to tell when a girl is taken and when she is available, and this is again based on psychology. I am about to give this secret to you, get pumped: (This works for guys also ladies, it just happens to be that whether a guy is available or not isn’t particularly a concern of mine.)

When we walk into a room we as humans automatically look for two things:

• The attractive opposite sex people in the room
• Danger

So that is an automatic baseline that you can apply to everyone. For instance, most people when they walk into a room:

Females:

• Will primp their hair.
• Smooth their dresses.

Males:

• Puff out their chest.
• Head for the bar. (since they are comfortable there.)

Both:

• Scan the room.
• Check out opposite sex attractive people.

If people are deviating from this baseline at all it means that there is are circumstances that are changing their natural behavior (ie. Psychological reasons.) So if I see a woman who is not only not doing the things I mentioned above but is also in a bad mood, I can deduce that she has had either a fight with her boyfriend or has just broken up and therefore if you try to talk to her she will bite your head off.

If she is not scanning the room looking for a mate it means she is taken and no longer has to look for a mate, so it deviates from this baseline.

So now we are going to apply this to lying! Have you ever taken a polygraph test? The second you sit down they automatically ask you something called “Control Questions”. For instance, “What’s your name?”, “Where were you born?” questions that they can verify. What happens is they monitor your vitals.

WHEN YOU LIE SEVERAL THINGS INTERNALLY HAPPEN: PUPILS DILATE, PULSE QUICKENS.

So a polygraph test basically picks up when your body deviates from the baseline that the control questions established!

(So a great way of beating a polygraph test is to put a little tack in your shoe and at the beginning when they ask you the control questions, step down on the tack- this will automatically up your pulse rate, so later when you are lying and your pulse is high, they will assume that you aren’t lying and that you are just naturally nervous! This was the trick they did in Oceans Thirteen, but it’s an old trick lol. Cool no? Now you can rob banks and get away with it. Glad I am adding something to the world.

(Another way is to learn to believe your own lies…but that’s for another article).

So now, let’s talk about how to establish a baseline for somebody’s behavior.

Professional poker players will routinely lose the first few hands so that way they can learn when their opponent is telling the truth or not. Since them losing forces the other person to show their cards, the skilled poker player is able to tell what the person’s baseline is when he is winning, and therefore later in the day when there is a deviation from that earlier baseline, he knows that his opponent is bluffing. This is called, forcing a baseline.

So when you are speaking with somebody, ask them questions that they have no reason to lie about. For instance, “What color was your first house?” and then watch their response. Ask several questions like this and it is establishing a baseline.

Try this trick: Tell somebody to think of three thoughts, 2 of the thoughts are going to be true and the other two are going to be false.

Now have them think about thought 1, thought 2 and thought 3… here is the trick: watch the eyes. Two times the eyes are going to go in one direction (the two true facts) and a third time the eyes will go in a different direction (the lie.) This is actually a really cute parlor trick once you have gotten the hang of it.
We will discuss this a bit more when we get into Eye Accessing Cues during Lying.

Another example is if a person is shaking their leg and then stops shaking it when they start telling you something, that is a deviation from the baseline and it is a good guess that they are lying. (this is a pretty popular one by the way.)

Quick Tricks to Telling Lies

Alright, here we go. There are some very quick ways to telling when somebody is fibbing or not. (I like the word fibbing. Don’t know why, sounds more fun don’t you agree?). So yes, fibbing.

So here we go, put a lot of these together and you will become a pretty good lie detector (combined with the other articles we have on telling lies!)

1. Touching the mouth, lips, ear, or nose. When we are children and we tell a fib, we unconsciously send our hands to cover up our mouths. Which is why when a child is lying they will clamp their hands over their mouths, they realize that something evil is coming out of their mouth and they try to stop it.

However, as we get older we learn to control our hand movements. So that’s why a teenager when they are lying will sometimes rub their lips, grownups tend to touch their nose (called The Pinocchio Effect,) tug on their ear’s etc… Actually Johnny Depp happens to have a great tell that every time he is lying he itches his ear by slightly hitting it from the back. (Picked that up when I watched an interview with him…I later found out from a friend that works with him that he had been lying in the interview.)

2. Keeping eye contact- This is an interesting one. Many people believe that when we lie we actually break eye contact. But this is simply not true. Ask somebody what color their house is and watch as their eyes flit around searching for the necessary information. But when somebody lies, they have no reason to go looking for that information within their brains and will therefore hold eye contact.

Now, I would like to point how hard telling lies is. Some people, when they are lying will have different eye movements, (which I will get into in another article called, “Lying and Eye Accessing Cues” I am very original at coming up with names for my articles). Some people, will break eye contact, other people won’t. That’s why it is so important to establish a baseline!

3. Not making facial expressions- Think of a crooked car salesman. What comes to mind? Probably a guy in a tweed jacket with a big smile on his face. The truth is that we believe that somebody with a big smile on their face is lying when really the opposite is true! When we lie, we make as little facial expressions as possible since we don’t want to give away any possible indication to the person we are talking with that we are lying.

And here is the funny part. If you are actually lying to somebody, don’t make any facial expressions! Since we make the mistake of thinking that somebody who is lying is going to put on a big smile.

4. Excessive blinking- The amount that we blink is an indication of how much stress we are under. This is why when you are tired you tend to blink a lot, and it is the same thing when you are lying. You end up blinking a lot which is an indication of higher pulse rates.

Those are some quick tips that will allow you to start being able to tell whether somebody is telling the truth or not. In later articles we will be talking about eye accessing cues, telling through language, telling whether a story is true or not, explaining concepts such as leakage, facial expressions, and microexpressions. Basically everything you need so you are never lied to again!