Ever listen to someone speaking and realize that something about that person just did not ring true? Something about the way he carried himself conflicted with his words. Maybe, it was his inability to look you in the eye. Perhaps, his hands distracted you. Or maybe it was the facial expressions that just did not quite match what he was saying? No, now you realize it was his stance; focused, truthful people just don’t carry  themselves that way. As you will see, the body tells its own story. Often you can read someone and
reassure yourself whether that person is trustworthy or someone you are right to run away from right now.

Let’s look more closely at body language.

1. The Eyes Don’t Lie

• Have you ever conversed with someone who would not look at you directly? The person looked
  over your shoulder, above your head, at the floor, or even at someone else—everywhere but at
  you. What did you think? The person probably made you uneasy. Most likely, you doubted that
  person’s interest, honesty, and confidence. Or perhaps you felt ignored. Eye contact plays a major
  role in how people perceive one another, and, as a speaker, you should pay special attention to it.
  If you make eye contact with your listeners, they’ll think you are sincere, credible, friendly, and
  honest. These feelings have a great impact on how listeners receive your message.

• Eye contact has other benefits:
  • It allows you to establish a bond with listeners.
  • It holds their attention.
  • It demonstrates you are speaking honestly.
  • It conveys self-confidence.
  • It shows you are listening.
  • It acknowledges people.

• When speaking in front of a group of people:
  • Look at your audience before you launch your speech.
  • Scan from one side to the other before you speak.
  • Contact and connect with one person at a time.
  • Hold your eye contact for 3 to 4 seconds for each person.
  • Use the 4 C’s—contact, connect, communicate, and continue.

• Eye contact to avoid includes:
  • Staring too long at one person
  • Looking above people’s heads
  • Looking up at the ceiling, or out the window

2. Hand Gestures Show Conviction and Enthusiasm

Hand gestures are the most expressive part of body language. To be most effective, make your hand gestures above your elbow and away from your body. They should be vigorous and definite to show conviction and enthusiasm. A sweeping wave of your arm to show distance will add more to your message than a half-hearted hand wave. Hand gestures also should be full and varied rather than
partial and repetitious; making the same movement over and over is distracting. Make your hand gestures larger for large audiences to ensure that even people in the back of the room can see them.

• Some basic hand gestures show:
  • Size, weight, shape, direction, and location
  • Importance or urgency
  • Comparison and contrast

• Hand gestures to avoid include:
  • The parent—pointing figure
  • The fist—anger and stress
  • The karate chop—looks violent

• Sample hand placements include:
  • Hands cupped, one holding the other at the waist
  • Hand at side ready to make a gesture

• Hand placements to avoid include:
  • Touching the face
  • Hands in the pocket
  • Fig leaf position
  • Prayer position
  • Arms crossed at the chest
  • Same placement for too long

3. Make Sure Your Facial Expression Supports Your Words

Your face unwittingly conveys cues about how your listeners are supposed to react or feel. If you are talking about a terrible automobile accident, yet you are smiling and nodding, your audience will be confused, not sad. Your facial expression must be consistent with the feelings or information you are communicating.

4. Assume the Rooted Position to Convey Confidence

• The stance you assume while standing still is important because it indicates your confidence and comfort level. If you slouch your shoulders and fix your eyes on the floor, your audience will think you are shy and weak. If you repeatedly shift your weight from one foot to another, you appear uncomfortable and nervous, and your movement may distract your audience. But when you stand straight, with your feet shoulder-length apart and your weight evenly distributed on each foot, and look directly at your listeners, you convey confidence and poise.

• This is called the rooted position. Imagine your feet have roots buried deeply in the ground. It will be impossible for you to sway or get off balance. This is the position of power and strength.

Arvee Robinson, is a Persuasive Speaking Coach, Master Speaker Trainer, International Speaker, and Author. She teaches business owners, service professionals, and entrepreneurs how to use public speaking as a marketing strategy so they can attract more clients, generate unlimited leads and grow their businesses, effortlessly. www.instantprospeaker.com

Have you ever paid attention to how people interact with one another? I’m betting that most of you don’t.  After you increase your level of awareness, you’ll gain a better understanding of how people generally work.  Increasing your awareness levels means that you are consciously paying attention to what is going on around you most of the time.

Having the ability to tell what type of personality someone is within only 30 seconds or so of conversation is probably one of the best communication tools you can learn.  Having the know how to detect what a person is allows you to transform the way you should be interacting with that particular client. Since your first few minutes of interaction is the most vital, pay close attention to what they say and how they say it.

Personality Type: Expressive (“Let’s do it!”)

Now that you’re familiar with the ‘quick and assertive’ Driver, we move on to the ‘can you shut up already’ Expressive.  Have you ever noticed that every time you go to a party, function, or gathering, there is always this one person who everyone swarms around (maybe it’s you)? Expressive people absolutely love being in the spotlight. Their workplaces are normally messy compared to a neat Analytical.  Even though their workplaces, cars, or rooms tend to be messy, they would still be able to find what their looking for through their memory (they don’t necessarily lose everything).  Expressive people love to talk, so let them.  They generally have very high emotion and make decisions rather quickly. There are generally excited to see what happens next.

Here are the characteristics of an Expressive:

• Tends to run late, lots of commitments and rushed lifestyle.
• Desires to be center of attention. Will attempt to draw focus of a group.
• Can’t stand being bored, impatient. Will get stressed and fidget in lines, looks for distractions.
• Generally have brightly colored clothing/cars/houses. Values ‘flash’.
• They are animated and lively when they speak or tell stories. Sometimes seems ‘loud’.

As a special note, since many people misinterpret Expressives as people who talk a lot, avoid placing someone in 1 of the 4 personality types by the length in time they talk to you.   Analyticals and Amiables also tend to talk a lot after they FEEL COMFORTABLE around someone, so the amount of time they take talking is irrelevant.  You must use the other criterias I’ve listed above to determine if one is Expressive or something else.

How to Sell to an Expressive

When dealing with Expressives, all you need to do is let the them talk and slowly steer the conversation in the direction you want to take it by taking control and asking the right questions.  Expressives tend to get off topic very quickly so be patient.

I’m not sure if I was always an expressive or that I recently just became one. I questioned which personality I was because it can be difficult to determine it at a young age. I’m certain, now that I’m 23, but I originally started thinking about this when I was 17-18 and I had no clue what I was, most people didn’t.   Many times you’ll hear people saying that they’re Expressives because Expressive people usually get most of the attention. Also, since I’m in the sales industry, people like to say that they are Expressives because they are led to believe that all great sales people are Expressives. Obviously this is false and just a common misconception or excuse that people use because they can’t yet achieve the success they want.

Selling as an Expressive

Dealing with an Expressive person from the other personality type’s point of view is relativity easy, but as an Expressive, you need to learn how to tone it down. It’s important for you to realize and understand when your your stories go off on a tangent.

Are you an Expressive?  If not, what experiences have you had with an expressive?

We can generally place the type of person you are in 4 personalities: Driver, Analytical, Expressive, and Amiable.  Each of us falls under only one of the listed types.  We hold to that type and live our lives within its bounds.

We do not change types except in times of great stress.  Over the next few days, I’ll cover one of the four types of personalities and explain to you exactly how they think and most importantly, make decisions.

Then, as you begin to understand how to tell the personalities apart, I’ll teach you the ability to allow yourself to become versatile in any selling situation, won’t that be great? Now I want you to focus on a guy like Simon Cowell as we talk about “Drivers”

Personality Type: Driver (“Let’s do it now”)

People who fall into the Driver personality type tend to be very controlling and possibly demanding. They know what they want and they aren’t afraid to let you know.  They normally have little to no emotion and make decisions quickly and assertively.

To quickly sum up the characteristics of a driver:

• Demands control or will take it when available.  Looks for opportunity to be ‘in charge’.
• Will get things done, likes goals and achieving them.  Frames life as a sequence of “I did this.”
• Straight to the point, looks for the bottom line.  Dislikes complexity or ambiguity.
• Little patience for the small details that aren’t clearly in line with goal seeking.
• Doesn’t like situations where they have no say in what’s happening.
• Appears to be arrogant and standoffish.  Can seem overly aggressive, especially in the heat of a project.  Will see people as ‘obstacles’ or ‘allies’.

Drivers may appear intimidating, however, you must remember to put your emotions aside and not take things personally. Since I would say that I’m an extreme expressive, I find myself to be a very emotional person. By emotional, I mean that I pretty much wear my mood on my shoulders. When I use to work for Mike Ferry, the best trainer and coach from the Real Estate industry, my team leader was a very arrogant driver. He always wanted things done his way or the highway. Our communication was so one sided that I would constantly get mad by just talking to him. However, later, as I began to understand the way people work and make decisions, I realized that it wasn’t his fault for being such a prick, it was mine. Since I wasn’t communicating the way he wants to be communicated to, our personalities clashed. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you.

How to deal with a Driver:

When presenting information to a Driver, avoid graphs, power point presentations, charts, and lists of data.  Keep it short, simple, and sweet.

Expressive Personality Type:

Prevent yourself from going off on a tangent. If you absolutely must tell a story, give them the point of the story first. Otherwise, they’ll keep thinking about what your story is supposed to lead up to and quickly become annoyed by it.

Analytical Personality Type:

Drivers are general very annoyed by analytical people. An analytical should  obviously avoid stories, details, numbers, etc. If you must give them stats, give them the end results, not the entire formula that led you to that answer.

Amiable Personality Type:

Drivers usually love amiable people because amiable people aim to please and do whatever the driver tells them to do. Amiable people, just remember to stick to the point, and speak up!

Are you a Driver? If not, what experiences have you had when dealing you dealt with Drivers?

So those of you who have trudged along with the hordes of people to see the newest sensation Bruno might be wondering why on earth Sacha Baron Cohen is still alive, let alone incredibly successful. Why do we enjoy watching this man do things that even in our worst nightmares we would never ever do?!

Well actually, believe it or not, Sacha has displayed a drastic example of something that we as a society love- risk takers! We all admire the entrepreneurs, the sky divers, the rock climbers, the men and women who take chances! And the reason is simple: People who take chances and are not afraid are the ones who are incredibly successful within our society: at both dating and business!

What we all love about Borat and Bruno is that because he lacks any inhibition (and when I say any I mean any) to do the things he does we see him as a tremendous risk taker and therefore we psychologically, unconsciously admire him! We admire his confidence, his quick wit and the fact that he is seemingly comfortable and even enjoying the situations he puts himself into.

So Sacha Beren Cohen has given us a great method for developing confidence- leave your comfort zone! The reason why people don’t succeed is because they find a situation they are comfortable with and they refuse to leave. But we here at Styles of the Mind refuse to allow that to continue! You deserve to be as successful as Bruno and therefore this article is going to give you a list of challenges you can do that are going to be both fun and develop your confidence beyond anything you will ever imagine.

Now of course, we are not suggesting you dress in your skimpiest outfit and wear a suit made entirely of Velcro…but here are some things that might be more up your alley! If you truly do these exercises I swear to you that you will immediately see an incredible difference in the way that people react to you and deal with you. You will become powerful and influential quickly. (By the way, do all of these things with a friend who is willing to push you. Push each other to complete these challenges)

The Challenges

The Subway Challenge

Those of you living in New York may have had the good fortune of running into myself or Mo Mehlman doing our now legendary subway speeches. Here is what you do. While on a bus or subway you get up and in front of the entire subway car or bus profess your love for literature, tell a fun soliloquy, a poem, sing a song or anything else you might prefer. Check out the video below of me performing the Subway Challenge:

The purpose of this is simple. After getting up and giving a speech about nothing to an entire subway car full of people it will be a cinch to go ahead and flirt with that cute guy, or make friends with random people in a lounge. At least you don’t have an entire subway car looking at you whilst you speak.

The Umbrella Challenge

This was a suggestion given to me by an avid reader: Basically go into a mall, open up an umbrella, walk around (indoors) and start conversations with people. When asked why you have an umbrella open indoors simply declare: “because of the rain of course”.

The Forehead Clock

This is a particularly fun one also taken from classical psychology. Paint a blue clock on your forehead with the time on it and then walk around asking people for the time. (There is actually a difference between using blue and red. Ill let you find out what the difference is. If you really want to know drop me an email.

The Sky Stare

This is a fun one. Go to a central place with a few friends (you need around four) then all you need do is get you and your four friends to stand there and stare up at the ceiling. Do this for about three minutes and you will actually find that other people will stop and simply stare at the ceiling along with you. Staring at nothing of course is the general idea.

The Peacock Challenge

Find an incredibly crazy hat, an incredibly crazy jacket, put the two together and then walk around and talk to people. Of course I don’t suggest you do this at your best friends birthday party but rather at a place where you will not be recognized and you can be free to experiment to get out of your comfort zone!

You will find that people’s reactions to you tend to be amazingly different than normal and not in a bad way. In a surprisingly good way.

The Random Opener Challenge

This is an important one and I again want to stress how important it is for you to have a friend who will push you and help you to do these challenges. This challenge is to walk over to a random stranger and ask an incredibly strange question, my favorite for this being, “Excuse me, where can I get a stuffed monkey?”

The purpose of this is simple. After asking this sort of strange question to a random stranger walking over to somebody who is a possible business connection or date and asking a normal question is going to be incredibly easy!

The Yoga Challenge

This one is simple. Find a group of people, doing yoga, exercise, jogging, or even standing around talking and walk over and join them! Say this as you join them: “Sorry I am late everyone, traffic was murder” and join in on the exercise. (Those of you located in New York, visit central park on a Sunday and you will find plenty of yoga groups I promise you.)

So all of this sounds intense, after all would you actually go and do these things? Well yes, those of you who want to head out and have a good time while actually doing challenges that will tremendously up your confidence level should call a friend, print out this article and immediately get a move on. After all, you have no idea what you are missing out on until you try now do you?

And remember this: If you are afraid to do it, you have an obligation to yourself to do it! Take a chance, take the risk and grow as a person!

About the Author: Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. Visit stylesofthemind.com and follow him on twitter or facebook:

Most of the articles I’ve written about on persuasive.net deal with building rapport because it’s the foundation to persuasion. It doesn’t matter how good of persuasion expert you are, if the person you are trying to convince doesn’t trust you, you won’t sell them on anything. However, if you do have their trust, you can realistically get someone to almost magically give you anything you want.

Last week, I went to the Lexus dealership because my lease was up and I wanted to buy out my car . While I was waiting for my transaction to be completed, I started up a conversation with one of the sales guys outside. The man was in his early forties and had a slight southern accent.  I released a book called 7 Day Persuasive Communication so I figured I’d pitch it to him. I followed all of my basic teachings of building rapport and mirrored his body movements, mimicked his tonality, and matched his rate of speech.  Some really amazing concepts I learned from a guy named Matthew Ferry. I was also able to determine that this salesman was a very visual guy who had a hardcore analytical personality type. So I painted him a picture of what I did and what I’m all about in specific detail.  I dropped a few lines here and there about my book, but never pushed it. He was so amazed at the passion and confidence behind what I was talking about that he asked me, “How do I buy your book…” Ding Ding Ding!

*Building rapport should be done throughout your conversation so I added it as step zero.

*Step 0: Building Rapport

Mirror Their Body Language

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

*Tip: remember, they are not paying attention to the involuntary movements they are making, so don’t be afraid of getting caught, you won’t.

Mimic Their Tonality

• Accents: Copy their accent as closely as possible.  You don’t want to come across as mocking them, but make an attempt as it will make a world of difference.
• Emphasize: Usually, people emphasize certain words during a conversation so be sure to catch on quickly and do the same.
• Pronunciation: Most people pronounce words in a certain way, i.e. Tam-at-toe / Tom-a-toe
• Where They Talk From: Do they talk out of their nose like they’re congested, talk out of their throat like Kermit the Frog, or do they talk out of their chest like someone very deep or loud.
• Breathe: During the conversation, breathe like they breathe. This will create a hypnotic synchronization.

Match Their Rate of Speech

• Fast: If they talk fast, then you talk fast.
• Slow: If they talk slow, then you talk slow.

Step 1: Ask a Question

• Since selling isn’t telling, strike up a conversation by asking someone a question.
• Ask more questions. People usually spill the beans about their needs and wants when they talk about themselves.  Also, many people do what’s called a Freudian slip, which means to accidentally say something they had on their mind out loud. This can give you excellent personal information to work with.

Step 2: Talk about their interest

• If a person doesn’t trust you, there is no way they’ll buy from you. Once you hear some trigger words, use them as leverage to continue a conversation purely about their interest. An example would be if hear that they like dogs, get into a conversation about dogs. Yes it’s that simple.
• Use tie downs during your conversations to get them into a ‘yes’ mode
  

Step 3: Introduce whatever you are selling

• You want to discretely bring up whatever it is your selling intertwined with your conversation. Learn how to make proper transitions (“that reminded me of…”)
• Be careful with the way you reference it as you don’t want to set off their salesman alarm.

Step 4: Get them excited

• Now you want to work on getting them excited. The psychology behind what you are doing here is simple. You are setting yourself up for a ‘close’ by getting them into a ‘buying state of mind’. Remember, people usually don’t buy something when they are depressed.
• The way you get someone excited is by continuing to talk about their interest, smiling, laughing, fluctuating your voice and volume.

Step 5: Close

If you have followed steps 1-4 precisely, then by the time you are at step 5, you and the person should be having a good fun conversation

During my conversation with the Lexus Salesman, I never told him to buy my book, but I did reference it throughout my conversation. Since I was able to paint such a vivid picture of what happens when you read my book and about how it’s the logical decision for any salesperson to own a copy, he asked me to purchase it. Again, this wasn’t by accident, it was because I built solid rapport and literally planted a seed which quickly sprouted toward the end of our conversation. Ideally, you want to imply for them to take action, without having to say so. For example, I said to the salesman,

Me: “…how long have you been trying to become to the top sales person here?

Him: “6 months now…”

Me: “From my observation, most people have breakthroughs when they have the confidence to do so. They have the confidence because of what they know. This is something I stress to all my readers”

Him: “well yah..we can all use help you know…”

Me: “Well, my whole goal with my book 7 Day Persuasive Communication was to do just that. It’s provides the confidence you look for by giving you the linguistical know-how to drive a conversation to your advantage.”

Him: “That’s pretty interesting…Hey, how do I buy this book?”

So to clarify Step 5:

• Imply whatever it is that you are selling. Compare it to their needs but use someone else as an example.  During my conversation with the Lexus guy, I kept mentioning that it’s an amazing book for people who are looking to make a breakthrough in their sales career.
• Ideally, you want the person you are talking to ask you for the sale. If you do this right, they would be the ones who say, “how do I buy this”, “can you start working for me next week?”, or “can I hire you?”

Other Techniques

There are many other techniques involved in persuading someone, but as you can see, the core is about building rapport. Once you gain their trust, you can suggest for them to do anything you want.

Always ask questions! Selling isn’t telling. Use the concepts I gave you from Tie Downs to help you in that department. For those of you interested in the book I was talking about, click 7 Day Persuasive Communication for details.

So tell me this, what idea are you looking to persuade someone on and how will you do it?

Visual/Auditory/Kinesthetic (VAK)

Many of you reading this are probably familiar with what VAK is or maybe even generally how it works. Regardless to whether you do or not, I will teach you what words you should pay attention to as it relates to you building rapport. VAK, also referred to as representational systems are basically our senses that allow us to be engaged while discussing information, dealing with problems, thinking, or getting involved in various activities. To simplify this even more, representational systems determine how one processes information.

Most people are dominate in one particular area of VAK while a select few may be difficult to tell. Before you tell me that you’re one of the difficult ones, I’ll tell you that you’re not! Now read the rest of this post carefully to understand what I’m talking about.

Visual

For the people who are visual learners have the advantage of processing and comprehending information much quicker by literally seeing it in front of them. Obviously if their sight is their advantage, the other 2 areas are they’re disadvantages. For example, in a classroom, a visual learner would much rather prefer learning from charts, graphs, pictures, videos, or even live demonstrations rather than listening to the professor lecture the entire time. Not only would they prefer it, but they will probably retain less information with only the lecture.  So for some of you parents who have kids who aren’t doing so well in school, it maybe because your kid processes information differently than how the teacher teaches it.

Words That Visuals People Use:

1. analyze
2. appear
3. clarity
4. conspicuous
5. dream
6. distinguish
7. envision
8. clarity
9. examine
10. envision
11. focus
12. foresee
13. horizon
14. idea
15. illusion
16. illustrate
17. Imagine
18. inspect
19. look
20. notice
21. observe
22. obvious
23. outlook
24. perception
25. picture
26. pinpoint
27. scene
28. scope
29. scrutinize
30. see
31. show
32. sight
33. sketchy
34. spot
35. survey
36. vague
37. view
38. vision
39. watch
40. witness

Auditory

Auditory learners on the other hand would much rather prefer hearing something. They may or may not care to whether they literally see it, but they will understand the information much better by simply listening to it. An example would be a student who would much rather just listen to the professor lecture throughout the class and take notes based upon what they hear.

Words That Auditory People Use:

1. announce
2. articulate
3. audible
4. boisterous
5. communicate
6. converse
7. discuss
8. dissonant
9. divulge
10. earshot
11. enunciate
12. gossip
13. hear
14. hush
15. listen
16. loud
17. mention
18. noise
19. proclaim
20. pronounce
21. remark
22. report
23. ring
24. roar
25. rumor
26. say
27. screech
28. shrill
29. shout
30. silence
31. sound
32. speak
33. speechless
34. squeal
35. state
36. talk
37. tell
38. tone
39. utter
40. voice

Kinesthetic

The kinesthetic learner finds the hands on experience the most effective and  productive. These people would rather take part in the action and get a feel for what’s going on.

Words That Kinesthetic People Use:

1. active
2. affected
3. bearable
4. callous
5. charge
6. concrete
7. emotional
8. feel
9. firm
10. flow
11. foundation
12. grasp
13. grip
14. hanging
15. hassle
16. heated
17. hold
18. hunch
19. hustle
20. intuition
21. lukewarm
22. motion
23. panicky
24. pressure
25. rush
26. sensitive
27. set
28. shallow
29. shift
30. softly
31. solid
32. sore
33. stir
34. stress
35. support
36. tension
37. tied
38. touch
39. unsettled
40. whipped

What To Do With These 120 Words

Learning this is actually easier than it seems. The words listed above are generally the words that a visual/auditory/kinesthetic person uses. Obviously there are many more words for each category, but at least you get the idea.

Now, when you’re having a conversation with someone and you notice the person using words like “see, imagine, watch, etc.” then it is up to you to speak back to them using other visual words. The same applies if the person uses words from the auditory or kinesthetic category. If the person in front of you feels as if you are just like them, they are much more likely to be in rapport with you.

How can you use this technique today?

Swag in Your Business

Have you ever met a person who you thought was really, for a lack of a better word, cool? A person so cool that in your mind you could not help but to say, “wow!” Now imagine that person making business deals, negotiating with clients, speaking in front of large groups.  Do you think they can have a more profound effect on the people they speak to then you? Yes! The obvious question: why? People want to do business with people who feel confident about themselves.

If you do not believe in yourself, why should other people, right?

Has there ever been a time when you were not feeling at the top of your game and you instantly noticed the wrong people being attracted to you? By ‘attracted to you’ I do not mean in a sexual connotation, I mean as far as business, friendship, or just as a human being. Trust me, it happens to everyone several times throughout their life.

It is very similar to having charisma and that magnetic attraction, people are automatically  drawn to be around you.

The more the people that want to be around you the less resistance you will get from potential prospects. Having swag in others helps you close deals with less effort and energy on your part.

Swag in Your Relationships (small excerpt)

Women dig guys who have swag. Regardless of money, if you can carry yourself with swag, then you can have almost any women out there.  Take a guy like Tom Leykis who is clearly not a good looking guy, but he does have swag. Even if he was dead broke, he can still get almost any women he wants.

Swag is not only for men, women with swag also prosper. Women who have swag tend to attract much better quality guys. Too many women unfortunately end up with losers am I right ladies? Some of you women could care less, but I can easily bet a majority of women want the good quality guys. Carry yourself well with confidence (swag) and you will start to notice that your subconsciously weeding through most of the jerks.

How do you get “Swag”?

The simple solution is: be an actor. No I do not mean being an actor like on TV or in the movies, I mean ‘act as if’:

• you are successful
• you always get what you want
• you love yourself
• you feel secure
• you can do anything you set your mind to
• it is never too late
• anything is possible
• people like you

Even if you do not believe in the above said, pretend that you do. It does not matter if your swag is fake because you will sooner or later subconsciously believe it to be true, which is what counts. Fake it till you make it.

A few more techniques to portray swag:

• Posture – Simply standing up tall and straight does a lot to a person’s swag. Who knew that all your mom’s nagging about standing up straight was true. Then continue using a strong posture as you move or walk around.

“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk…”

• Speaking – speak with confidence and believe everything you say to be true. Too many “ums”, “ers,” and any other 2 letter word you use when speak can decrease your swag tremendously. Act as if you are a cop and speak with conviction.
• Dress – invest in yourself by buying clothes that actually fit. “You look good you feel good” goes a long way. Tailors are your new friend!

Swag is really just a new word of being confident, powerful, and charismatic.  If you can convince yourself to have swag right now, you will almost instantly see a difference in your personal and business life.

Do you have swag? If you do not, then act as if you do for a few days and tell me the difference of how life begins to revolve around you.

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU

You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me.  In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving.  It is always better to give then to receive.   The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends.  From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?

1. Match Their Tonality

• Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
• How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest.  Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

• Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
• Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
• Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w.  If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a  slick fast talkin’ sales person.  We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid  (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget.  After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting).  This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical.  I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.

Since we are now adults, what do we do?
Where you are today is what you experienced in the last 5-10 years of your life. Where you will be in the next 5-10 years will be determined by what you do from now until then.  Even if you see yourself as shy, dumb, not good enough, or whatever you were negatively conditioned as, you can break through this barrier. To transform who are you are today to who you want to be requires an enormous amount of energy. The first question I’d ask you before you make this change: how badly do you want it? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Deliberately place yourself in uncomfortable situations and you’ll begin to grow and be stronger mentally. Always ask yourself, “is what I’m doing right now causing me to be uncomfortable?”

We, like any business, need to be continuously growing, because if we are not growing, then we are dying. The World is extremely fast paced and doesn’t wait for anyone. You either grow as quickly as you can to move ahead, or be left behind.

What are some things you can decide on right now that will cause you to be uncomfortable?

Throughout my years of studying human behavior, I’ve trained myself with the ability to converse with no fear. Having exceptional conversational skills is a necessity if you plan on being a high achiever in life.

To have an easy going conversation and start the process of building rapport it is best to choose a topic which is  relatively universal.   Before, many people resorted to using, “how’s the weather?” This is unquestionably no longer effective and is actually perceived as powerless.

Talk about food! It is a great conversation starter,  I have used this strategy for years and it works almost every time! I started eating meat after I turned 18! Most kids are excited about turning 18 because they are now adults, the can buy dirty magazines and cigarettes. I started eating meat! I was deprived of meat as a child since my family is vegetarian. I didn’t start eating meat  because I became adult, it was because I didn’t follow the same beliefs my parents did.  This was a turning point in life because I rediscovered my taste buds.

It is then followed by details on favorite types of food, their favorite types of foods, which branch into restaurants, then locations, which then opens up a million other ideas. The concept behind this is that people like being around people who they FEEL COMFORTABLE with. Many people like talking about food, so why not start there? Food is the New Weather.

What other topics would you recommend for starting up a conversation?

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