IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU

You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me. In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving.  The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends. From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?

1. Match Their Tonality

• Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
• How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest. Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

• Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
• Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
• Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w. If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a slick fast talkin’ sales person. We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget. After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting). This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical. I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.

Knowing what kind of personality type someone is can be a major advantage in building rapport, closing a deal, or networking. The hardest part isn’t learning about how to tell who is what, but rather how to use subconscious versatility at any given time. What I mean by this is being able to interact with people, instantly figuring out which personality type they are, then automatically adjusting who you are to communicate with them. Can you imagine how many new powerful connections you can make? The more people who FEEL COMFORTABLE around you, the more chances you have in exponentially increasing your business.

Personality Type: Analytical (“Let’s think this through”)

People who are the Analytical personality type usually appear to be very intelligent, nerdy, or systematical. I’m not saying that all analytical are smart or technologically advanced, although many of them are, but that most PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to the smallest details. You’ll also find that many Analyticals wear glasses because their eyes are vigorously reading and analyzing data faster than most resulting in their eyes wearing out quicker.  (This was determined from my personal experience of having dealt with thousands of people through out the years at seminars, meetings, and functions.  Analtyicals are people who, like Drivers, have little to no emotion, yet unlike Drivers, make decisions slowly and with much second thought.

• Sees overt emotion as a weakness and something to distrust.
• Needs facts, numbers, and details. Will seek out more information.
• Usually known for being a perfectionist, hates to make errors. Doesn’t forgive mistakes easily in themselves or others. Seen as intolerant.
• Great problem solving skills. Wants to be admired for their problem solving abilities.
• Likes organization and structure. Will sometimes hold to ‘rules’ even when results suffer.
• Soft voice, reserved. Not directly confrontational. Lets the data speak for itself. Expects others to agree based on facts and logical arguments.
• Gets frustrated when people don’t see ‘the right answer’ as clearly as they do.
• Usually doesn’t get bored – internal life (thinking about ‘stuff’) keeps them occupied when outside stimulus is low.

Analyticals are usually pretty easy to spot because of their neatness, structure, and sensitivity of minute detail. Dealing with an Analytical sounds quite simple, but actually requires you to provide an extensive amount of data, graphs, references, and anything else with numbers, facts, and figures.

Are you an Analytical? Have you encountered an experience with an extreme Analytical?

During the last few days, I’ve shown you 3 of the 4 personality types. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that they are not just 1 personality type, but 2 or even 3! Let me clarify: Everyone on this planet is dominantly 1 out of the 4 different personality types. It is certainly possible for you to have traits of other personalities, but you are still just 1, not 2 or 3.  Each personality type has their advantage and disadvantage.

Personality Type: Amiable (“I’m not sure if we should do it…um…”)

Have you ever had a friend in your life who was very caring and supportive? They were always there for you and did everything to make sure you were happy. There is a good chance your friend is Amiable.  Amiable’s are very reliable and trustworthy. These people are very loyal employees and amazing people to have on your team. Amiable are usually not in very high level executive positions but just remember that this doesn’t mean if you’re an Amiable, you can’t become a leader. In fact, there are leaders of major Fortune 500 companies who are Amiables, Drivers, Expressives, and Analyticals. Being an Amiable doesn’t mean you’re automatically not going to be a leader, it means that it is without a doubt harder to be one by following the characteristics listed below. Amiables also tend to be very high in emotion and make decisions slowly.

• Team player, looks for an ‘everybody wins’ result.
• Warm and friendly, but sometimes cloying.
• Doesn’t hide from feelings – expressing and listening. Caring, nurturing come easily.
• Soft spoken, goes along to ‘get along’. Uncomfortable when they don’t know how the group feels about something. Doesn’t like independent activities and decision-making.
• Rarely sticks up for their position in the face of strong opposition. Prefers compromise.

It’s quite simple to talk with people who are Amiable because they aim to please. They have a tendency to make sure that everyone likes them. When dealing with an Amiable, be sure to be very sincere, ask about their family, friends, and themselves. If you trying to close some kind of deal with them, tell them of how whatever your selling (including yourself) will impact the people around them after they buy (they care about others).

Are you an Amiable?   Have you encountered an experience with an extreme Amiable?

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Most employees behave very similar to children.  They fiddle around twiddling their thumbs together when there is nothing to do. They grunt, moan, and groan when they must get up in the morning to go to work (children go to school).  And the biggest similarity is the rush of excitement they have when it is time to go home.  If your employees are acting and behaving like children, how do you think this affects your bottom line? How do you expect your company to make the necessary expectations to meet and exceed your goals?

Molding the Perfect Employees

Building a successful company begins with having a productive team.  Having a productive team usually comes from the influence of a great leader.

1. Add Emotional Incentives

Even if your employees are not working for commission, look for ways to offer some benefits for working hard and getting the job done quicker.  Many of you reading this have employees who earn a fixed income for a certain amount of work. From an employee point of view, if the work is done the job is done for the day.  An employee who has nothing to do can cause distractions to other employees who are working. Like a domino effect, this encourages inefficiency throughout the office. From an employer’s point of view, if an employee finishes their work early, they should be given more work. Unfortunately, since both the employee and employer usually don’t see eye to eye, the employee begins to work slower to avoid getting new work. Even if you do not offer them a brand new car, something is better than nothing.  Something as simple as allowing your employee to leave a few minutes early can almost instantly increase their motivation.  Some examples of incentives include:

• Go home 1 hour early on Friday.
• Better parking spot
• Extra break time
• Leave 15-20 minutes early on any given day
• Free lunch
• The most comfortable chair in the office
• Small cash bonuses ($50 or $100 can motivate most people)

2. Create a Positive Environment

The work environment alone can quickly change the productivity for everyone in the office.  As powerful leaders, we must ensure the work environment is uplifting, exciting, and enjoyable.  Zappos, an online retail sales company retains more trustworthy employees than a majority of the companies out there.  During an interview on Mixergy.com, the CEO from Zappos Tony Hsieh said that his company does over a billion dollars in sales a year because of their customer service.  To filter out the good employees from the bad, Tony offers his new hires $2,000 to quit and shockingly, hardly anyone takes it. Do a quick survey with everyone as to what type of environment compels them to be more excited to work there. Make the necessary changes and you will see a noticeably positive change.

3. Monitor your Employees

It is not necessary to discipline your employees for a sneeze that takes away 5 seconds from work, but it is important to monitor what your employees are doing most of the time. From wasting time on useless web pages to chatting with friends, pay close attention to how they spend their time during work hours. Preventing your employees from doing what they are not supposed to be doing can increase productivity miraculously.   Let’s say you have 20 employees who take away 10 minutes each day to do personal things on the computer.  That over 3 hours each day of lost productivity.  Invest in employee monitoring software that gives you the freedom to monitor everything your employee does from anywhere in the world.

4. Communication

Do you even know the names of all your employees?  Sure you are busy, but if I were to tell you that personalizing your relationship with your employee can dramatically raise the level of their  performance, would you do it?  All you must do is spend 5-10 minutes each every week talking about their challenges, hopes, and dreams. Having a well connected employee also makes it easier to address concerns or issues around the work place.

5. Create Teams

Create teams by mixing up the skillful employees with the ones not so much. Friendly competition can easily speed up the work flow and be fun for the employees along the way. Reward the winning teams each week with a free lunch, VIP parking spots or the other incentives listed above.

6. Learn the Power of Motivational Speaking

Imagine having Tony Robbins speak to your staff every morning before they start work. Do you think your employees will feel good and excited to be there?  Spend a few weeks reading books on personal development, leadership and public speaking and learn to be a powerful motivator.  When you have the ability to speak with power and influence you will be able to persuade your employees to continuously have a positive mindset.

7. Give Employees a Say in the Company

Have you ever heard of an incident when an employee had some crazy idea that was accidentally discovered and helped a company make millions of dollars?  It interestingly enough happens all the time.  Your employees are constantly working with you product/service every day, so naturally they will begin to develop ideas that can potentially help the company grow.  Let them know that they have a say in what goes on and you will begin to see a growth in your employee’s commitment and interest in the company.

The more productive your employees are, the quicker the company will grow. It may sound simple and obvious, but working on employee productivity is an ongoing task. Create a game plan on how you can implement these 7 strategies right away.

So I have had a flood of requests from the male readers among you asking recently how to appear and come off as more powerful and in control. It really is a terrific question and this article is hopefully going to help you to bring out your true self. You see, we are all powerful just in different areas. (The computer programmer who seems timid and meek when talking with women suddenly becomes a powerhouse of confidence when put in front of a computer and told to program!) So this article is about taking that confidence and teaching you how to project it in all situations of your lives.

The Body is a Temple

We all hate the word’s “body language”. Assuredly you had some stupid seminar in high school or read a boring book assigned to you that explained how you should act and give off good body language. Well, lets make this a little more fun than that shall we? Here are my top four  tips for using your body to appear confident and in control.

1) Take Up Space

You should never be standing less than about a shoulder width and a half apart. The best stance to take up is legs spread apart. (But be aware that this may seem aggressive so make sure to compliment this stance with a relaxed or even smiling expression.)

2) Shoulders Back and Relaxed

Don’t hunch and let your shoulders relax. We are very good at picking up when people are tense and the two places where we tense the most (in uncomfortable situations) are the jaw and shoulders. If you have a problem relaxing your shoulders take your hands and put them behind your back. Walk that way. It is considered elegant and powerful and will automatically broaden your shoulders and chest.

3) Smile

Confident people are smiling because they arent worried and are comfortable in that situation. Now I don’t mean a wide ear to ear grin like a flaming idiot, but rather a gentle relaxed smile of acknowledgment when interacting with another person. Seriously, work on your smile and get one that compliments your face. Yes, as lame as it sounds, stand in front of a mirror and work on a smile that you feel makes you look confident.

4) Chin Up

Confident people have their heads up (exposing their necks slightly. The reason we see this as confident is because evolutionarily we are programmed to protect our necks…a confident man who knows he can take care of himself isnt going to be worried about that and will have no problem exposing his neck.) Be careful not to have your head in the sky however, everything in moderation gentlemen.

5) Limit Large Hand Motions

a certain amount of hand motions are good, it adds to the story and makes it easier for people to follow you, however at a certain point it becomes overboard. Studies have continuously shown that people who are higher class and more confident severely limit their hand motions when they are having an interaction. Keep this in mind- if you are reminding people of Chandler when you talk it might be time to change.

Powerful Interactions

So confident body language is really only the first step although it is a huge one! (Furthermore, studies by Paul Ekman have shown that if you adopt a certain body language your mindset will change to reflect your body language. So if you are uncomfortable in a certain setting, but your body language is confident, you will actually feel more confident!) However, here are some further tips that are going to really help you to be seen as confident and charismatic.

1) Speak Slowly

There are two reasons why people speak quickly: a) They are uncomfortable, b) They are very comfortable but their cognitive process is particularly fast and therefore they speak quickly to try to get everything out that is on their minds. Sadly, only psychologists (and now you) know about reason b. Everybody else assumes that if you are speaking quickly it is because you are nervous!

2) Pause

This is considered a really hypnotic technique and it is used by pretty much every professional speaker in the world. They pause at certain points… in order to continuously…capture…and keep…your…interest. Use this. (You can even take a quick drink in the middle of a sentence! “You are SO….”takes drink”…Funny!”)

3) Walk as if You are Busy

You can always tell an important person by the way they walk! When you are walking about town move with purpose and precision and I promise you this will cause people to sit up and pay attention.

4) Lean Back

The person who is the most leaned back is the person who is the most powerful in that situation so the more leaned back you can be do it. This includes leaning back against a wall, allowing yourself to relax in a chair…the key thing here is to be relaxed! Remember, relaxed people are confident and powerful people!

Active Power

Now for the fun part of the article:

1) The Handshake

Make sure that when you shake somebody’s hand, your palm is to the floor. This will make somebody automatically feel dominated (which will make them automatically adhere to what you say with amazing accuracy!)

For more information on how to shake hands properly check out this clip:

2) Verbal Power

There is something called conversational dominance which is a way of making sure that you aren’t conversationally dominated by another person. Basically, powerful businessmen (and women) will try to dominate you by asking you a string of questions, the more you answer, the more under their spell you shall fall. So how do you protect against it?

Well when somebody is trying to dominate you conversationally they will ask you questions and expect you to answer them very quickly. (Now this is not to be mistaken for genuine curiosity.) I remember I was at a hotel networking event with my father and we met an old friend of my fathers. The man was very dominant, very “hocker” (Yiddish for salesman) like and he immediately asked me, “How old are you?” and I came right back and said, “How old do you think I am?” and the man went, “Whoaaaa! We got a slick one here!”

He had tried to dominate me and I didn’t let it happen, I deflected it by not answering but not insulting him at the same time. People will try to dominate other people by quickly asking them lots of questions and the more you answer the more under that persons control you will fall. (Psychologically and unconsciously of course. Not physically.)

So how does it work? Well, during the first five minutes of an interaction, when you are asked a question like, “Where are you from? What do you do? How old are you?” you are going to answer in one of two ways:

1. By making them answer a question for you first: Meaning, you can absolutely tell the person how old you are! But first make them guess! Make them do something for you before you do something for them. This is very important and it will start allowing you to be seen as attractive to women and powerful to men!
2. Answer in a fun way: “Where are you from?” Im actually from a little cardboard box on the side of the road…etc. (Credit: Erik Von Markovick).

If you are ever at a loss or don’t have something particularly witty to say just say, “Guess”. If you say this with conviction and confidence then people will guess for you and therefore you have successfully taken control of their subconscious minds.

About the Author: Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. Visit stylesofthemind.com and follow him on twitter or facebook:

As per my usual M.O, all these techniques can be used immediately after you read them and they are among my favorite techniques to use. (And the beautiful thing is that these only scratch the surface of what you can do!) So let’s get started.

Technique #1: The “Because” Technique

We have all met people who have this unique ability that they can simply say something and you will just seem to agree with it. They just have a way with words and we find ourselves wanting to go along with whatever they say (“go on the floor and bark on all fours”…ok, fine that’s after a few tequila shots but you get the idea). Well check this out: A study was done where they had a young lady approach people waiting at the copy machine and she said this: “Excuse, may I cut in front, I am in a rush.”

So guess how many people let her cut? 60% which isn’t bad mind you. But then they tried it again (on a different group of people) but THIS time they had her say, “Excuse me, may I cut in front of you because I am in a rush.” Guess what percentage of people let her cut in front now….Ninety percent!

Did you see the difference in what she said because that is the key? The first time she said: “Excuse me, May I cut in front, I am in a rush.” and the second time she said, “Excuse me, may I cut in front BECAUSE I am in a rush.”

That little word, “Because” changed the compliance rate within people from 60% to 90% which is an incredible jump!

So why does this happen? The answer is simple. We as humans need reasons for things and the second we are given a reason for something we go along with it as opposed to questioning it. So give people a reason for why you want them to do something and people are going to start listening to you 40% more automatically! (“We should go on a date because you are going to love hanging out with me.”  “You should buy this plan because it is the best one on the market for you! Seemingly tailor made to your situations because it has X, Y and Z.)

Technique #2: The Social Expectancy Effect:

This is one of my personal favorite techniques and I have personally watched this work on some of the hardest lined bastards of the investment and real estate worlds. Here is the basic idea. As much as we pretend we don’t want to conform and we all want to be “individual” we all have this inner need to conform to what society thinks of us. (Even gothic people, considered the ultimate “anti conformists” still conform to what they believe is society!) So watch this:

BY SIMPLY SAYING HOW YOU WANT A PERSON TO BEHAVE THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT! But you have to know the trick.

What you do to make this work is you have to tell the person how OTHER people have told you what that person is like. So for instance, let’s say you are about to meet somebody who you need to like you (for whatever reason, it’s your boyfriends mother, your potential new boss). What you are going to say is this:

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you. Everyone has told me that you are a very open minded, fun person. I like meeting people like that.” Now several things have happened here:

1) Because we as humans want to conform, what is going to happen is that this person will want to prove society right by now behaving the way you said! Since he or she believes that everybody else that knows them thinks that they are fun and open-minded they will behave like that so that way everyone is right! This is an incredibly powerful technique that has yet to fail me!

2) You have flattered them without seeming like a kiss up! Because you aren’t the one who said it, “other people” said it so you are off the hook! You are merely the messenger but it definitely still puts the other person in a good mood.

Technique #3: The Foot in the Door Effect

This is also known as “The Yes Train” and I remember the first time I tried it I was floored at how well it worked! I had first read it in a persuasion book by Kevin Hogan many years ago and had dismissed it. Then I started seeing it more and more in different publications and decided to give it a whirl. Let’s just say that it works incredibly . Basically it’s this. While you are talking to someone get them to say yes, and continue to get them to say yes. What this does is that it gets the person used to saying yes to you so when the time comes to ask them whether they want to buy a certain product, or whether they want to go on a date with you, or whether they want to buy you that pretty sparkly four carrot ring (as my current girlfriend keeps pestering me for) they will do it!

Getting a person to say yes is very simple. While you are talking to them ask, “Are you an open minded person?” they will say yes. “Do you like having amazing times?” yes. “Do you enjoy long walks on the beach?” yes. “Do you want to meet new, fun adventurous people?” yes. “Do you want to come with me to this really cool drum circle party on the beach Friday night?” yes.

It’s as simple as that. Do anything to get the person continuously saying yes and they will say yes afterward just because it fits with everything else!

Technique #4: Hijacking the Brain

No you are not going to hold anybody up at gunpoint…it’s going to be much more subtle than that. Have you ever gotten the feeling where you just knew that somebody “got you”? Like you knew that you and that other person were kind of on the same wavelength. I am sure that you have. Well there is a reason why you feel that with some people. Basically, when we see that somebody else is feeling the same thing we are feeling we assume that the person is exactly like us! Since they are feeling the same as we are they must be the same as we are. (That’s why there seems to be this unexplainable connection with the other people in comedy clubs or horror rides…because we are all reacting the same way, therefore, we are all feeling the same way, and therefore we must all have the same types of personalities!)

And what happens is this. When you successfully hijack someone’s brain they are going to listen to you and be much more likely to comply with you since they see you as them! It’s an incredible thing to watch happen! So how do you do it? Simple:

START TAKING GUESSES AS TO HOW SOMEONE IS FEELING AND VERBALIZE IT!

For instance let’s say you are trying to sell somebody a certain product and they walk in. A good thing to start off saying would be, “Now I know you might be skeptical about coming in and thinking we are going to try to trick you but the truth is ______ BECAUSE_____.” Right there you have a dynamite sentence that is going to open up this potential client!

Or, “I know you must be feeling nervous going out on a first date with a guy you barely know, but let’s take nervousness and turn it into excitement….” And then proceed to be fun, light and outgoing to help further put the person at ease.

Start taking guesses as to how others are feeling and verbalize it. If you are wrong they won’t remember but if you are RIGHT they will remember for a very long time! (Quick Tip: We don’t remember when people are wrong about assumptions but we are floored when they are right! Its how mentalists and psychics are still around…but that’s for a different article. Visit, www.stylesofthemind.com for more on that.)

Technique #5: Half and Half

And last but certainly not least we have the “Half and Half” technique. This technique is used tremendously by hypnotists and is incredibly powerful and yet easy to pull off! Basically check this out. Psychological studies have shown that when we agree with the first half of a statement we automatically have to agree with the second half of it! So a classic hypnotist induction is:

“As you sit there with your feet on the floor and your hands on the armrest you can start to feel your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier.”

Because the person agrees with the first part (after all, they are sitting there with their feet on the floor and their hands on the armrests- that part is true- so it must be the second part of that statement, that the eyelids are getting heavy- is also true and they begin to feel their eyelids getting heavier!)

But how do you use this in real life? Well simple, when you are talking to somebody you are trying to persuade, say something at the beginning that is factual that they have to agree with, “You are a man with principles and therefore you can see how good this would be for your company.”

Or my personal favorite, “You as a woman, can certainly agree with the fact that…..” or “You as a man can certainly agree with the fact that….” By saying that at the beginning they have to agree with it because nobody is going to argue on their gender.

Anyways, there you have it. Some of the most powerful influence techniques around that you can go out and start using immediately! For more information visit, www.stylesofthemind.com or feel free to facebook me: www.facebook.com/datingcoach or email me, yehuda@stylesofthemind.com

Pattern Interruption

Wikipedia has a great explanation on what pattern interruption is exactly:

…a pattern interrupt is an action that changes a dynamic in a personal situation or relationship by making an unexpected change, resulting in a new, and hopefully more effective and beneficial, behavior…

Pattern interruption also blends in nicely with hypnotism and trance. This may sound funky and weird to you, but it’s actually as normal as anything else. The “pattern” is the  conversation or event that is taking place at that given time. The “interruption” is the new factor that comes into the picture that temporarily takes away the focus.

To understand how this works exactly, one must know a little bit about the subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is wired to automatically look for an answer to any questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself, “Why am I so stupid,” your subconscious mind will look for an answer.

So when a person’s pattern is interrupted, their mind will begin to search for the answer to why and what is happening.

Let’s say you are convincing a client to buy your product. During your “spiel”, you decide to make ask a completely irrelevant question like, “hey did you see that show last night?”  This will catch them off guard and and your rapport will force them to answer. Then you continue with your conversation. Your client will begin to ponder about why you asked that question and what it has to do with what your talking about. Now instead of them being on the defense about what you are selling them on, their attention will be divided. Now it will become easier for you to persuade, influence, or convince this person to take action because of their lack of mental defense

Types of Pattern Interruptions

• Hypnotic handshake: This is handshake you could use on highly suggestive people
• Tonality: dramatically change the tone of voice for a brief second or two and you’ll find your prospect in confusion.
• Facial Expressions: Like the example above about making a stupid and funny face
• Visual Object: Imagine a door to door sales man selling vacuums You knock on the door and the customer answers. You say, “I am James with Super Clean Vacuums, and I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’m holding a bag full of dust and lint, aren’t ya?” Usually you won’t see a door to door sales person holding a bag full of dust and lint, because is out of one’s normal pattern. This will harness the power of the customers curiosity allowing you to take an advantage as far as creating rapport.
• Random Sentences/Words: Talking about one thing and then bring up a completely off topic subject. Then proceed with the original conversation.

Implementing Pattern Interruptions for Beginners

Your biggest challenge with trying the pattern interruption pattern will be about your level of comfort. Here’s the simple way to start practicing.

1. Educe a conversation with your prospect.
2. Ask a question that has nothing to do with the conversation. Make sure the question will bring your prospect to a desired state (i.e. excitement)
3. Continue with your conversation
4. close or pursue your desired action

Yes this is an overly simplified version of pattern interruption, but it will give you the basis on how pattern interruptions work.

Can you remember a time when you unknowlingly used a pattern interpution? Has anyone used it on you?

• Using Tie downs- Ties downs are sentences that you use after particular states you make to bring more interaction in your conversation.
• Repeat & Approve -This technique allows your client to subconsciously understand and believe you are giving them your undivided attention.
• Create Awareness – You can easily create awareness in a conversation with a client which will not only give you their attention, but it will also allow you to create and lead the conversation in any direction you want.
• Irresistible Persuasion – Learn how you can understand how a client makes a decision so you can customize your pitch and responses to their objections.
• Future Pacing – This brilliant technique helps you handle objections that your client may create by talking to someone else which allows your client to keep their commitment.
• Pain & Pleasure – Everyone on this planet either moves away from pain or goes toward pleasure. Discovering how you should handle each person will help you create rapport and motivate them to take action.
• Embedded Commands – Simple and easy embedded command strategies to make your clients take action when it is time to do so.
• Has There Ever Been a Time When – This language pattern has the power to make your client feel a certain way to motivate them into instant action
• 7 Day Persuasive Communication – My best selling eBook about language patters you can use within your day to day life to sell yourself, products, services, and ideas to increase your business and make you money.

Culture

Culture is a way of being and doing. It is so much a part of who we are that, like fish who cannot understand water until they are pulled out of it, we do not see the effects of our own culture on us. Cultural influences are most visible when looking at other countries and societies.

What strikes us is how strange other cultures are. How can they possibly believe that? Most people would question why someone would be willing to sacrifice their own life for their culture.

What does your culture tell you is worthwhile? What does your culture tell you is worth sacrificing your own life? Everyone, in any culture, will know the answers. It will seem so ‘common sense’ that these, and other questions are simple.  No one asks where the ideas come from.  Our own cultural influences are mostly hidden from us. And no matter how the answers differ from one culture to another, each person will be convinced that theirs is the correct answer and will feel it deep in their bones. Culture is like that. Don’t underestimate it.

Culture Goes Deeper Than You Think

It may surprise you how far back your cultural training goes. Surely, being right or left handed, or the sounds our mouth and tongues make, or the things we can and cannot eat – those are inborn, right?

Wrong.  There is a preference for one hand over the other before birth (as shown by thumb/finger sucking behavior) and if ‘left alone’ by culture, this will remain the dominant hand. However, cultures haven’t always stayed out of the picture. It takes about 8 months to switch from one hand to the other (as demonstrated by people who lose the use of a dominant hand).

In Britain, during the 1970s, a study was conducted that showed while more than 10% of the population started out left-handed, the population over 55 was down around 3%. What happened? The explanation is cultural.

Because of societal prejudice in the 19th and early 20th centuries, left-handedness was seen as a detrimental trait. A trait that could keep you from getting married and reproducing or one that had to be ‘beaten out’. Thankfully, this has changed. As cultures came to accept left handers (and even value them in some sports) the number of people born with a left-handed preference remained left handed. When cultures change, people change.

Culture also determines the sounds you are able to make with your mouth. Humans are born as natural linguists, able to speak any human language at all. This ability, found in young children, is lost as age increases and we are then only able to correctly pronounce our native language. We are born mimics, and our culture tells us, and shapes us, to make the sounds required to fit in.

How Culture Affects Communication

Culturally based communication styles cause problems when parties do not recognize relevant cross-cultural differences. People tend to think that everyone uses the same rules and meanings. An American, for instance, usually uses an informal speaking tone and adopts an open and honest style in negotiations. This is also reflected subconsciously in their body language.

But there is no universal, cross-cultural mode of communication. Americans tend to smile a great deal, even with strangers. It’s seen as just being friendly. In other cultures, a smile may indicate embarrassment or even be insulting. Even such common, subconscious movements, like shrugging, or rubbing one’s forehead, can be misinterpreted and have great significance in other cultures.

A good idea would be to identify these often subconscious speaking and body language habits. If they can be made visible, and if they can be understood, they can be used consciously to great effect.

Beliefs

Beliefs are opinions and ideas about things for which there isn’t enough information available to say, “I know.”

The difference between beliefs and culture is that while they both give us ‘truths’ of a sort, culture moves very slowly compared to beliefs. Culture changes over generations, beliefs can change overnight. Throughout your life there will be periods where beliefs change. They disappear, get stronger, and new beliefs arise as old ones are abandoned. Some changes are obvious – Santa Claus and the tooth fairy are two we usually abandon fairly soon. Religious conversion (either towards or away from) is a powerful belief change.

The important thing is to understand that shared beliefs encourage rapport. When you run into a belief that strongly contradicts your own, you are most likely to reject the person who holds them as being stupid or crazy. But, of course, our own beliefs aren’t stupid or crazy. Are they?

Well, we used to believe the earth was flat, Pluto was a planet, ‘bleeding’ someone could cure disease and women weren’t smart enough to vote.  Stupid? Crazy? Not at all. Remember, beliefs fill the gap when there aren’t enough facts to actually know.

Recognize that others hold beliefs contrary to your own. Forget actual truth value, beliefs only seem true because they haven’t been proven false. Beliefs are powerful things and often resist change.

Past experiences

How you react to the events in your present circumstances is based on similar experiences you’ve had in the past. This is a great convenience to us, but is prone to mistakes.

The expedient part is that we don’t have to rethink every small part of our daily experience. A thousand minor events are dealt with nearly subconsciously. Everything from tying our shoes, buying gas, even reading and writing – all these skills are stored as memories. And we don’t have to relearn each task. The mistakes happen when we misuse or misapply our experiences. Americans have some difficulty driving in Europe. The same task that is automatic at home suddenly becomes difficult ‘on the wrong side of the road’. Of course, there isn’t a right or a wrong side. It’s just that our experiences no longer match the world around us.

Less obvious to us are the day to day mistakes – the assumptions we make, based on past experience, about new people. Slurred speech means they are dumb. Wrinkled clothing means they have sloppy work habits. The list of prejudices is endless. But memory is a powerful thing. If you’ve had difficulty with computers, and you need to use a computer, the whole experience is going to be shaped by your past experience. This may even congeal into a belief – computers are hard to work with.

April, 2007, Virginia Tech. 32 students are killed by Seung-Hui Cho. Although his motivations were complex, one thing is clear from the statements he left. His fear and loathing for society at large had been building for a long time. Labeled years before as having a social anxiety disorder, Cho’s experiences were of rejection and bullying by his peers. He found nothing of value in society and said, “You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option…You just loved to crucify me. You loved inducing cancer in my head, terror in my heart and ripping my soul all this time”.

Experiences matter. They accumulate and contribute to our model of the world around us. And a different set of experiences makes a different person. You are not just what you do, but what you have done. The paradox is that every new activity is different in some ways from the remembered one. Finding and exploiting these differences is key: knowing how much, and how little, to rely on past experience.

Become a Powerful Influencer

Now that you have a much better understanding on why people do what they do, you will find it much easier to “relate” with people you talk to. It’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you.