I have to admit, sales and the process of selling both come pretty naturally to me – a fact that I’m incredibly grateful for, as these talents have helped me to build a career and grow the different businesses I’m involved in.

That said, when I tell people that I’m in sales, I invariably hear one reaction over and over again: “Oh, I couldn’t do that – I couldn’t handle the rejection!”

Here’s the thing…  Rejection is something that we all have to deal with.  Maybe you aren’t putting yourself on the line every day as you would in a sales career, but if you’ve ever been rejected by the hot girl or guy in the bar, been turned down admission to a school you wanted to attend or been told you couldn’t have the raise you felt you deserve, you’ve experienced rejection!

In fact, rejection is so common that I believe if you aren’t experiencing it on a regular basis, you’re doing something wrong by not taking enough risks!

Simply put, rejection occurs when you put yourself out there – when you ask somebody out, when you ask for something you really want at work or when you put yourself up for some major award or promotion.  If you aren’t doing any of these things, you’re living a safe life.  And while that might be fine in some situations, it’s sure as hell not going to help you experience success.

If you want to succeed, you have to get used to being rejected.  It isn’t a fun thing to do – especially if you’ve grown up believing that failure is the worst thing that can happen to a person – but it’s hugely important if you want to reach new heights in your personal or professional life.

The following are just a few of the different ways you can learn to embrace rejection and the eventual success it helps to bring about:

Idea #1 – Reframe rejection in your mind

In a lot of ways, I think our current education system does students a huge disadvantage by enforcing the idea that failure is always bad.  Students today are constantly pressured to succeed (even if that’s measured as something as arbitrary as standardized test performance) and reminded that failing will lead to a host of negative life consequences (as in, living in a van down by the river).

The problem with this black-and-white way of thinking is that failure – when used appropriately – can actually represent a tremendous learning opportunity.  When we fail, we have the chance to figure out where we went wrong and how we can change things in the future – that is, if we’re given the opportunity to do so.  If we’re constantly berated for making mistakes, it’s no wonder that we begin to fear failure and rejection.

The key to getting out of this harmful mindset is to reframe your way of thinking about rejection.  Instead of beating yourself up, learn to recognize that failures can be powerful ways to improve – but only if we learn to let go of self-flagellation and embrace the new opportunities that rejections can represent.

Idea #2 – Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Of course, the thought of learning to embrace rejection is one that’s easy to imagine, but much harder to put into practice.

If you’re having trouble seeing the upside of a past or future rejection, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”  Odds are, it’s not as bad as you think…

Say you go after a major sales prospect at work and wind up not getting the contract.  You haven’t failed on some epic level – in fact, chances are your life hasn’t changed much at all.  You might not be getting a big, fat commission check, but nobody’s going to come tear the roof from over your head because you weren’t able to close this single sale.

Idea #3 – Actively seek out ways to be rejected

As with so many other things in life, the best way to practice reframing rejection in your mind and extrapolating future harm scenarios is to practice!

If you want to level up your ability to confront rejection like a boss, you’ve got to get out there and seek it out.  When you hit the bar with your friends, work your best lines on the “Perfect 10” sitting next to you.  Ask salespeople to give you unprecedented perks when buying major items like cars and appliances.  Try getting restaurant chefs to serve you entirely unique meals that aren’t listed on their menus.

Really, the possibilities are endless.  By making an effort to actively seek out rejection, you’ll learn that it’s truly no big deal to fail from time to time (although you might also be surprised by how willing people are to help you out with your requests).  And once you’ve learned how to diminish the power that rejection holds over your life, you’ll find yourself taking more chances and experiencing more success than ever before.

So now, I want to hear from you…  What’s the biggest rejection you’ve ever experienced and how did you handle it?  Share your responses in the comments section below: 

Is there anything quite so scary as the thought of having to make polite conversation with total strangers?  Certainly, for some of the more naturally garrulous people out there, making small talk can be seen as an opportunity to connect with new people and get to know others on a deeper level.  But for the vast majority of people, small talk represents a deeply-uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking situation.

Unfortunately, you’ve got to get over this!  According to a recent Harvard Business Review article by Andy Molinksy:

“You can be the most technically skilled worker in the world, but your ability to progress in your job and move up the corporate ladder in the United States is highly dependent on your ability to build and maintain positive relationships with people at work. And guess what skill is critical for building and maintaining these relationships? Small talk.”

The secret to small talk is being prepared.  So if you feel perpetually flustered by the demands of making small talk, memorize the following scripts so that you’ll be able to pull them out at a moment’s notice whenever a situation calls for polite conversation.

Script #1 – “What do you do?”

People in the US love to talk about their jobs, which makes this small talk script a natural starting point for conversations with new people.  Though it obviously isn’t one that could be used when interacting with coworkers at a company event, it’s a great starting point to have on hand for business networking events and other social functions.

One caveat to using this script, however, is that it can backfire in situations where your conversation partner has recently been laid off or fired (as is all too common in today’s job market).  This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use it –in fact, in networking situations, it can be a helpful way for the person you’re speaking with to convey his or her openness to new opportunities.  However, you should be aware of the potential for discomfort and have a few expressions of sympathy ready, should you encounter somebody who’s recently out of work.

Script #2 – “What’s new with you?”

If you’re interacting with people you know on a casual level – for example, distant family members, social acquaintances or colleagues in other departments – there’s no more natural starting place for a small talk conversation than, “What’s new with you?”

The key to using this script effectively, though, is to learn how to keep the conversation going by asking probing questions.  If you use this script and your counterpart responds, “Oh, nothing much,” it’s still on you to carry the conversation with follow-up questions like, “Any big projects at work right now?” or “Any plans for the upcoming holiday?”

Script #3 – “Did you see that news story about [xx]?”

When in doubt about how to start a small talk conversation, jump in with a recent news article or major upcoming event.  Sporting events are a great neutral territory for these chats – something like, “Did you see the new story about that Louisville player Kevin Ward’s leg?” is bound to provoke a reaction.

There are two things you’ll want to keep in mind when using this script, though…  First, it’s imperative that you stay away from highly-charged political or religious topics.  Even if you’re absolutely certain that you know your conversation partner’s philosophical leanings, these heated topics really have no place in polite, public interactions.  Save your opinions for your close friends and family members!

In addition, it’s important that you actually have some familiarity with the news story you decide to reference.  If you say to somebody, “Did you see that news story about [xx]?” and he or she responds with, “No, tell me about it,” you’d better be able to back up your small talk script with actual information!

Script #4 – “Any vacation plans in the future?”

As much as Americans live for work, we also live for the precious few days of vacation we get every year – making this a fun small talk prompt to keep the conversation going.

While I wouldn’t use it to start off an interaction with a totally new contact, it’s a great way to learn more about the people you’re speaking with in a non-threatening way.  A discussion about future family trips could open the door to further questions about their family life and structure (for example, “How old are your kids?” or “Where do your kids go to school?”).  Similarly, a mention of a dream vacation destination could prompt you to ask, “What made you choose that location?” or “Have you always wanted to travel there?”

Remember, the more follow-up questions you can ask, the longer you’ll be able to keep your small talk going.

Script #5 – “Where did you get that [piece of clothing]?”

Finally, if all else fails, complement your conversation partner on an article of clothing and ask where it was purchased.

Secretly, we all crave the approval of others – especially when it comes to our physical appearances.  Making a comment that indicates you like a certain piece of clothing or jewelry provides this all-important flattery, while also giving you an opening to keep the conversation going on local shopping and apparel trends.

Certainly, these are just a few of the different scripts you can use to initiate and maintain small talk, but they’re a good couple of options to memorize and keep in your back pocket at all times.  If you have any other go-to conversation starters, share your recommendations below in the comments!

We’ve all been there…  On the way to work, you’re brimming with enthusiasm and great ideas – ready to hit the ground running on a productive work day.  But the second you sit down at your desk, you’re hit with distraction after distraction.  Coworkers need your immediate feedback, emails keep popping into your inbox and your phone won’t stop ringing.

How are you ever supposed to get anything done amidst all of these distractions?

The reality is, all of us face distractions – whether we work in office environments, coffee shops or home offices.  You can’t avoid distractions entirely while working, but you can take steps to minimize them.  Give any of the following strategies a try in order to amp up your productivity and prevent distractions from throwing you off track:

Tip #1 – Turn off automatic alerts

Between the notifications that pop up in response to new messages on your smartphone and the Outlook flag that appears whenever you get a new email, automatic alerts can seriously disrupt your productivity.  The simple solution?  Turn them all off!  Really, there are very few emergencies, and you’ll likely find that the amount you’re able to get done in the absence of these distractions more than makes up for any delayed responses you might be forced to issue.

Tip #2 – Schedule time for yourself

Scheduled meetings are sacred time on most people’s business calendars – so why not take advantage of the fact that most people won’t interrupt these periods in order to get more done?

First, figure out when you’re most productive during the work day.  Then, schedule a 1-2 hour long “meeting” on your calendar during which time you won’t allow yourself to be interrupted.  Teach others to respect this time by ignoring calls or in-person requests and you’ll free up a nice chunk of time to work with minimal distractions.

Tip #3 – Wear headphones

Wearing headphones while working is one of the best signals you can give to tell others that you don’t want to be interrupted.  You don’t have to listen to music with your headphones on to achieve this effect – simply wearing them is enough to dissuade most people from disrupting your productivity with their own distractions.

Tip #4 – Clean up your work environment

If a cluttered desk equals a cluttered mind, it’s possible that picking up your work environment could have a positive effect on your ability to focus without distractions.  But don’t limit your cleaning efforts to the piles of papers that have been sitting on your desk forever.  Clean up your browser icons, bookmark lists and old digital “to do” lists in order to minimize the digital clutter that could also prevent you from focusing at peak efficiency.

Tip #5 – Turn on website blocking tools

Work distractions don’t always come in the form of interruptions from coworkers.  In plenty of cases, we’re our own worst enemies when it comes to digital distractions.  Sure, you might tell yourself that you just need a few minutes of fun browsing in order to get back to work – but can you really justify this type of time-waster once you’ve blown through hours of could-have-been productive time?

The easiest way to minimize the amount of time you waste on your favorite websites and social networks is to install website blocking tools that prevent you from accessing these pages at different times.  For example, a few great options include Leechblock for Firefox and Nanny for Chrome.  Try to install a website blocking tool on every browser that’s installed on your computer in order to minimize your ability to outsmart these distraction-blocking systems!

Tip #6 – Look busy

If none of the other strategies described here have succeeded in minimizing work distractions, you can always try looking frazzled.  Even if you’re as calm as can be, act as if you’ve got more on your plate than you could ever possibly handle.  When coworkers approach your desk to distract you, give them the crazy eyes that say, “Back away slowly – I’m on the edge here!”

It sounds silly, but it’s an effective way to end distractions before they start.  Just be careful not to abuse it.  If your boss catches you looking stressed out too often, he might assume that you aren’t capable of handling your job – making you less likely to qualify for raises and promotions.

Tip #7 – Hide

One final option for minimizing office distractions?  Get out of there!  Sometimes, there’s nothing that you can do to stop coworkers from interrupting you or your boss from piling on more work than you can handle.  In these cases, do whatever you need to do to remove yourself physically from the distractions!

You could use the number of distractions in your workplace as leverage to negotiate a remote work arrangement.  If that isn’t an option, scheduling a “doctor’s appointment” could buy you a few hours to work from home in a distraction-free environment.  Again, you shouldn’t abuse this tip, but you should keep in mind that the amount you’re able to get done by “hiding” from your distractions could outweigh any concerns that your frequent absences mean you’re an unreliable employee.

Got any other tips for minimizing distractions in the workplace?  Share them below in the comments so that everybody can benefit!

Sounds like a pretty tall order, right?  Usually, we reserve the term “awesome” for people who do amazing things like climb mountains or break sports records.  But the thing is, you can be awesome too with a little effort!

If you’re ready to break out of the rut you’ve been in, check out the following action steps that’ll turn your life around in no time.

Step #1 – Try new things

First things first – nobody was ever called “awesome” for doing the same old thing, day in and day out!  If you want to be truly awesome, you need to have awesome things to talk about with others – and that means taking risks and trying new things from time to time.

For example, could you…?

• Try a new restaurant
• Join a new meetup group
• Take up a new sport or hobby
• Learn a new language
• Check out a new band

Really, the list of possibilities is endless, but you don’t need to go all out at first.  Challenge your comfort zone by starting with small activities and then work your way up to larger attempts.

Step #2 – Pick your passions

As you go about this whole “trying new things” process, you’ll probably find that some activities “click” for you.  Maybe you hate spending your weekend nights listening to loud bands playing in dingy clubs, but you love the camaraderie and exercise you get from having joined your neighborhood’s pick-up soccer team.

That’s great!  Part of being awesome at life is knowing what to invest your efforts into and what to give up right away.  After all, awesome people don’t waste time committing to things they don’t truly care about.  Instead, they evaluate their options by actively experimenting with new things and then paring down their list of engagements to the ones that really matter.

In general, it’s a good idea to have at least a few different passions – nobody wants to be stuck around that guy who has nothing more to talk about than his love of craft beers.  Instead, choose a few passions – say, your career, a sport and a volunteer opportunity – that you’ll dedicate your time to and weed out other activities that don’t appeal to you.

Step #3 – Give 110% effort

Every office has that guy who half-asses everything.  For some reason, it’s become passé in our culture to act like you don’t care about things.  And while that might make you look “cool” in the eyes of your coworkers, it’ll never make you awesome.

Awesome people give 110% of their effort to all of the passions they commit to.  They explore the full possibilities of every activity they engage in – probing these situations for the opportunity to learn more and do better in the future.  They aren’t “brown-nosers” – putting in extra effort just to attract the attention of senior management.  Instead, they engage fully for their own benefit, eventually turning them into better educated, more well-rounded people.

Take a second to think about your passions.  Sure, you say you value your career, but how fully are you dedicating yourself to its growth and development?  Are you taking advantage of networking and professional development opportunities?  Do you waste time at work that could be better spent advancing your skill set by completing more tasks?

We all slack off from time to time – and that’s fine.  But what’s not fine is consistently underperforming when it comes to your passion projects.  If you aren’t giving 110% of your effort to these key areas, you’re never going to be truly awesome.

Step #4 – Give back

Last but not least, awesome people give back.  This may take a number of different forms – from volunteering in the community to serving as a mentor for younger workers in your profession – but what awesome people recognize is that they didn’t become awesome on their own.

All of us rely on the support of others in some way or another.  If you’re learning a new sport as a passion project, it could be the coach or teammate who gives you pointers on how to improve your technique.  Or, if you’re trying to advance your career, your support comes from the professors who gave you your background training, the managers who have encouraged you and the mentors who have guided you along the way.

Awesome people don’t presume that they’re awesome because of some in-born, pre-determined greatness.  What they recognize is that we all depend on others to enable our success – and they aren’t afraid to show their appreciation by giving back in some way.

So as you proceed along your own path to awesome-ness, keep an eye out for the people or systems that help you out as you move forward.  Then, make it a point to find some way to recognize them, whether you say thanks directly, do charity work in their honor or undertake some other activity.  Above all, doing so will help to keep you grounded – one of the hallmarks of the kind of awesome person we all want to be around.

News flash – nobody likes making mistakes!  But unfortunately, since we’re all human, there’s no good way to avoid the occasional slip-up.  As a result, it isn’t the fact that you make mistakes that matters.  What really counts is how you handle yourself when these failures occur.

Let’s say you’ve goofed up on a big project at work and – as a result – your team won’t be able to meet an important deadline.  Now that you’ve made the mistake, you have two options.  You can:

1. Pretend like it didn’t happen and wait until somebody discovers that you’ve screwed up.
2. Own up to your mistake and present your boss with a plan of action for dealing with any negative effects that stem from your error.

If you take the first route, you aren’t really saving yourself any hassle (although it might feel like it at the time).  Eventually, your mistake will be discovered and when this happens, your boss and your team members will all be upset that you tried to shirk your responsibility in derailing the project.

On the other hand, if you let your team know right away what’s happened and how you plan to deal with it, you’ll still face the same frustration – but that anger will be paired with a level of respect for you because you’ve owned up to your mistakes.  Neither situation allows you to avoid professional judgment completely, but one option lets you minimize damage to your reputation.

Of course, knowing that owning up to your mistakes will help you save face – actually doing it is another thing altogether!

If your “go to” move is to deflect and defer responsibility, don’t worry.  You can learn how to own up to your mistakes – even in the most uncomfortable of situations.  It won’t be easy, but it’s a valuable skill to develop when it comes to managing your professional reputation.

Here’s how to do it:

Step #1 – Assess the scope of your mistake

As soon as you’ve realized that a mistake has occurred (whether by that sinking feeling you get in your stomach or through the actions of a coworker), take a second to determine how severe of an issue you’re facing.  Is the mistake something that can be easily resolved, or will it require significant reparations to correct?

If you’re facing a small issue (like an email etiquette mistake), you may be able to correct the problem without the involvement of other parties.  In this case, owning up to your mistake may not be truly necessary.  However, if the issue is larger, take a few moments to trace out its eventual ramifications.  You can’t move on to the next step in the process – coming up with a plan of action – until you understand exactly who and what will be affected by your mistake.

Step #2 – Come up with a plan of action

Once you have a rough idea of how your mistake will affect others, it’s time to brainstorm a game plan.  As a general rule, you’ll find the owning up to your mistake is much easier – and much better received – if you also offer a series of possible action steps to resolve your issues.

Following from our delayed project example earlier, identifying this type of mistake could prompt you to develop a plan of action that includes any of the following steps:

• Working nights to make up for lost time (if doing so will help)
• Shuffling resources to ensure that other parts of the project can be finished on schedule
• Apologizing directly to the customer (if necessary) for the delays you’ve caused

In the worst situations, it might not be possible to come up with a game plan if there are no actions that can be taken to help remedy your mistake.  However, even in this case, it’s important not to skip the next step…

Step #3 – Use scripts to make confessing easier

After you’ve completed the first two steps, it’s time for the most difficult part of this process – actually owning up to the issues you’ve created.

If the thought of telling others that you’ve screwed up leaves you shaking in your boots (especially if the person you need to own up to is your boss), you can make the process easier by creating a script and practicing it before you fess up.  For example, try something like the following:

“Hi [Boss] – do you have a second?  I just wanted to give you a heads up on an issue that might delay our project [or lead to some other issue].  I made [this mistake] and I expect that, as a result, we’ll have to [deal with these consequences].  I’m sorry for the inconvenience and my part in this, but I think we can make the situation right by [taking my game plan actions].”

Resist the urge to make excuses when delivering your script.  Everyone has excuses and they tend to be perceived as attempts to deflect, rather than to accept responsibility.  Hopefully, using this type of script will mitigate any disciplinary actions coming your way – but there’s no guarantee.  The only thing that is guaranteed is that you’ll avoid the humiliation of being called out on your mistake later on by owning up to it and taking responsibility from the start.

We’ve all been there.  A once-promising job that’s soured to the point where even the thought of waking up and driving to work leaves you shaking with cold sweats.  Where it’s impossible to imagine working diligently at your desk for even one more day without exploding in rage at your incompetent and/or abusive boss.

If you’re lucky enough to find an exit strategy – whether to another position or to a temporary career break – it’s tempting to use your resignation as a chance to make your true feelings known to your coworkers, to HR and to your boss.  But all the career advice out there recommends that you not burn bridges on your way out the door.  Should you follow these recommendations or make a one-time exception to the rule in order to let of a little steam once you’re able to quit your job?

Here’s the thing…  The world is a small place.  Even if you can’t imagine any possible connections between your boss and other members of your personal life or business community, that doesn’t mean that none exist.  And really, the last thing you want is to belatedly find out that the boss you just cursed into oblivion is actually second cousins with the HR manager at the company you now desperately want to work for.

The bottom line is – don’t do it.  Don’t risk your future career prospects on a somewhat-fulfilling blowout speech on your last day.  Your reputation as a blowhard will follow you no matter where you go – even if you can’t yet see the mechanisms by which this will occur yet.  In just about every case, it’s better to be safe than sorry when leaving your job.

Of course, holding your tongue is easier said than done.  Here are a few guidelines and recommended steps to help you leave a difficult situation without burning your professional bridges:

Separate the personal from the professional

To be fair, it isn’t always the best idea to bottle up your emotions and leave your current position without uttering a peep to anyone.  Not only can this be damaging emotionally, it’s also important for the human resources department of your company to know why exactly you’re leaving.  If they identify a trend – for example, a series of talented employees leaving as the result of a single bad boss – they may want to take action to prevent further losses.

For this reason, if certain on-the-job conditions have prompted your resignation, it can be a good idea to share them with HR during your exit interview.  The key, though, is how exactly you do this.

If you go into your final interview ranting and raving about your boss, your feedback won’t be taken seriously and won’t be used to promote positive changes within the company in the future.  What you need to do is to separate the personal from the professional in order to provide your HR personnel with useful information.

For example, saying, “My asshole boss was a huge jerk who never gave me enough time to get things done,” isn’t going to help your case.  Instead, telling HR that, “My manager struggled to provide timely feedback and prioritization advice in a professional manner,” is much more likely to result constructive changes for the future employees who will take up your position.

Vent frustrations through the appropriate sources

Of course, it isn’t nearly as satisfying to phrase your personal complaints in a professional manner as it would be to run through your office’s halls, gleefully yelling about how you’re finally free.

But really, that’s why you have friends.  That’s why you have family members.  And that’s why you have coworkers who have gone through the same grief that you have.  Buy these nice people a round so that they’ll indulge your frustrations periodically.  Just be careful that any coworkers – whether current colleagues or soon-to-be ex-coworkers – are the discreet type who won’t go running back to your office with news of your job bashing!

Focus on the future

Finally, if taking these steps isn’t enough to prevent you from going crazy on your last day, try to keep the future in mind.  Remember, you’re out of the bad situation.  You’ve found your exit strategy and, very shortly, you won’t have to deal with your bad boss or your company’s frustrating policies any longer.

Truly, the only way the grief of your almost-former job will continue to bother you in the future is if you allow your frustrations to cause you to do something stupid in the moment – something like burning bridges that you may need to rely on for professional advancement down the road.

So before you dish out the verbal beat-down you’ve been longing to share since day one, take a deep breath and focus on the future.  Your career’s long-term well-being just isn’t worth the risk of burning bridges in a short-lived blaze of glory.

Quick – off the top of your head, what’s one of the most valuable sales and business skills that anyone can possess?

Let me give you a hint…  It’s not negotiation, it’s not copywriting and it’s not networking.  In fact, it’s the ability to build rapport with everybody you encounter!

When you’re able to build rapport with a diverse range of people, you improve your ability to form the relationships needed to advance both your personal and professional life.  Whether you’re petitioning your boss for a promotion or trying to convince a new senior-level buyer to purchase your company’s product, being able to develop rapport immediately gives you the edge needed to get things done.

But if forming person-to-person connections doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry!  The following steps to building rapport with anyone are easy to implement and can quickly make a major difference in the way you interact with new people:

Step #1 – Mirror your subject’s body language

One of the most important contributing factors to rapport is your body language – and one of the most important things you can do to build rapport using this tool is to mirror your subject’s posture and gestures.

This is important for two reasons.  First, mirroring body language creates an unspoken level of comfort between you and your subject.  When we see ourselves in the people we’re talking to, we naturally feel more at ease – making this technique a powerful way to minimize barriers that would otherwise threaten to derail your conversation.

At the same time, keep in mind that we all have nervous physical habits that manifest themselves whenever we’re uncomfortable.  This could include things like constant leg tapping or tightly crossed arms – whatever your case may be, these behaviors telegraph your lack of confidence, diminishing the rapport you hold with your partner.

By mirroring your subject’s body language, you’ll be able to prevent these behaviors on your part.  Just be careful to not mirror your subject’s own nervous habits!

Step #2 – Match your subject’s vocal tone and pacing

Next up, focus on your voice in order to build rapport with your subject.  Again, we tend to respond more favorably to the people who look and sound like we do, so any of the following techniques could come in handy when it comes to forming new relationships:

• Match the tone your subject is using – Is your subject speaking loudly or softly?  Does he tend to speak from his diaphragm or his nasal passages?  Are his sentences spoken in a way that sounds authoritative or unconfident?  While it’s important that you avoid coming across as condescending, allowing some of these vocal qualities to filter into your own speech is a great way to build rapport.
• Match your subject’s vocal pacing – Listen also to whether your subject is speaking slowly or rapidly.  Though many people tend to think of vocal speed as something natural that can’t be controlled, it is possible to modulate your voice in order to better match your subject’s.
• Match accents carefully – One advanced rapport-building technique is to allow some of your subject’s accent to slip into your own speech (whenever his native accent is different from your own).  Although it’s tough to do so without appearing to mock your conversation partner, mimicking this vocal element in a subtle way can build a major bridge of rapport between you.

Step #3 – Repeat and affirm

Aside from the ways in which you can manipulate your own physical and vocal performance, one simple technique for building rapport is to simply repeat and affirm the things your subject says to you in conversation.  As an example, consider the following conversation:

Subject: “So, you’re telling me that you need to raise your rates?  That’s unacceptable – it’s been a tough year for my company and we don’t have the extra budget for this.”

You: “Subject, I know it’s been a tough year for your company and that budgets are tight.  I completely understand, but I hope you can see that…”

In this example, you could have just as easily responded to the subject with a careless, “It doesn’t matter what your budgets are like – our rates are going up.”  However, by taking the time to repeat and affirm the subject’s concerns, you’re building rapport that could go a long ways towards helping the two of you resolve the situation successfully.

Step #4 – Assume rapport from the start

Finally, be aware that one of the biggest inhibitors to building rapport is the discomfort experienced upon meeting and interacting with new people.  And really, it’s natural to be afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid in front of a new contact.

But here’s the thing…  Everybody feels that way!  It’s not that you’re the least confident person in the world – just about everybody in the world goes through the same type of social anxiety at various points throughout their lives.

So if everyone else feels as nervous as you do in social situations, one simple solution is to assume rapport from the start.  Treat everyone you speak to as if you were already close friends – effectively negating the discomfort that many people feel when interacting with new people.  With practice, you’ll find that assuming this level of rapport puts people at ease and makes implementing the steps described above feel much more natural and much less like an uncomfortably foreign process you’re working towards artificially.

Any other recommendations on how to build rapport with the people you encounter in your personal and professional lives?  Share your tips in the comments section below!

In today’s competitive, demanding business world, being able to say “No” to projects that don’t fit your career objectives or schedule is a vital part of maintaining both sanity and productivity.

And yet, for many of people, saying “No” feels as if it’s as serious an offense as coming to work drunk or cussing out the boss over a bad review.  It isn’t easy, but if you’re an office pushover, it’s incredibly important that you learn to recognize and manage these behaviors in order to stay on top of your workload and your sanity.

Here’s how to do it…

Common behaviors of the office pushover

The first step in preventing the pushover mentality from disrupting your career is to recognize when it’s rearing its ugly head in your life.  To do this, ask yourself whether or not you can see yourself in any of the following common behaviors:

• Allowing others to break your department’s rules – even when there’s no good reason for making accommodations.
• Accepting additional work that falls outside of your job description when your “to do” list is already packed full.
• Picking up the slack for others on committees or group projects.
• Failing to defend your work or decisions against criticism from a superior.
• Working late on a regular basis, because you’ve been too busy helping others to handle your own responsibilities.

If any of these descriptions hit a little too close to home, it’s possible that you’re an office pushover.  Don’t be embarrassed – plenty of people struggle to find the assertiveness needed to thrive in corporate cultures.  Instead, put in the effort to take back control of your career by minimizing pushover behaviors and employing more assertive techniques.

How to take control of your career

If you’re ready to make a change and develop the assertive behaviors needed to survive in today’s cutthroat business world, check out the following steps for instructions on how to be more authoritative and less of a pushover:

Step #1 – Prioritize your pushover behaviors

When it comes to managing pushover tendencies, you’ll first need to assess when they’re occurring in your life and which of these instances is most harmful to your career.  As an example, suppose you uncover two pushover behaviors – one that represents a huge drain on your time and self-esteem, and another that’s a mere inconvenience with no lasting ramifications on your personal or professional well-being.

In this case, tackling the first instance of pushover behavior will have a much greater impact on your overall career satisfaction than handling the second example will.  Start by addressing the larger issue first in order to bring about better results more quickly using the following steps.  From there, you might be surprised to find that your newly assertive attitude makes handling the other issues in your life a breeze!

Step #2 – Develop scripts to assert yourself

Going from meek and reserved to assertive and powerful is a scary transition.  If you’ve spent your entire life acquiescing to the requests of others, learning to stand up for yourself can seem as daunting as training for a marathon or adopting a vegan diet.

However, you can manage the discomfort of the process by developing anti-pushover scripts that enable you to stand up for yourself without having to think on your feed.  Any of the following examples should help to get you started:

• “I’d love to help, but my schedule won’t allow it.”
• “I’m sorry, but this is a bad time for me.”
• “Unfortunately, my schedule is booked solid right now.”
• “I can help with this task, but something else on my plate will have to go.”

Choose one of these scripts and modify it to your particular needs.  For example, if you have a boss who continues to pile more on your plate than you can handle, using a variation on the fourth script listed above can help you to have an honest conversation about what should be prioritized.  Or, if you’re constantly facing assistance requests from a slack-off coworker, saying, “I’m sorry, but this is a bad time for me,” can effectively shut down the conversation without impinging on your schedule.

Once you’ve chosen and modified an anti-pushover script to your needs, practice saying it over and over again until it becomes effortless to repeat it in the heat of the moment.  Practice your script in the car, in the bathroom mirror – whatever you need to do to make the words feel as natural as possible.

Step #3 – Recognize that it’s okay to make others uncomfortable

One of the hardest parts for pushovers to deal with is the thought that saying “No” might make other people uncomfortable – whether their assertiveness will result in angry bosses or coworkers who no longer want to make the weekly trip to happy hour together.

The thing is, though, that in pushover situations, somebody is always uncomfortable.  If you’re the pushover, you’re shouldering the burden of this discomfort in order to minimize the stress of others – which seems like a silly way to align your priorities!

Accept that it’s okay for others to be uncomfortable every so often – and that it isn’t your sole responsibility to look out for the emotions of others.  Obviously, you shouldn’t use your newfound assertiveness to tear your boss a new one over the way he’s taken advantage of you in the past.  Instead, make a commitment to moving forward from your past pushover ways and to enabling others to treat you with the respect you deserve in the workplace.

Leadership is one of those skills that’s highly valued, but difficult to develop if you aren’t born with the propensity to direct and manage others.

But don’t let that stop you!  Because leadership is so highly valued in the workplace, it’s a good idea to put some effort in developing your own skills in this area.  If the thought of putting yourself in the spotlight makes you panic a little, try the following steps in order to become a better leader:

Step #1 – Identify your strengths and weaknesses

Before you begin this process, clear your mind of any pre-existing conceptions you hold on what “leadership” means.  Too many of us think of leaders as drill sergeant, attention-seeking types who get their thrills from telling others what to do – but the reality is that this is only one type of leader.

In fact, there are plenty of different leadership styles out there – including one that prefers to operate from the shadows by delegating tasks to others and only following up to ensure their completion.  So don’t worry if you don’t feel like barking out orders like some sort of commander heading into battle.  There’s a place for everybody at the leadership table!

To get started on your own leadership journey, take a few moments to identify your own strengths and weaknesses.  How do you feel when you’re placed in the spotlight?  How do you prefer to communicate and interact with others?  And how to do you handle situations in which tasks aren’t completed on time or to your specifications?

By understanding the unique skills and perspectives you bring to the table, you can begin to develop your own concept of what “leadership” means to you.

Step #2 – Lead from a “you” perspective

If you’re comfortable giving direct, sometimes critical feedback, then a more extroverted process of leadership will suit you best.  Or, if you tend to avoid conflict, a strategy that relies more heavily on delegation and teamwork will help you to get the job done.

But whatever leadership strategy you decide to pursue, it’s important to manage from a “you” perspective.

Essentially, this means that a project or objective isn’t about you, the leader.  Instead, it’s about managing the resources on your team effectively in order to ensure that the necessary work gets done.

To do this effectively, you can’t prioritize your own success as a leader ahead of the achievements of the group.  While it’s natural to want to take credit for your accomplishments, putting the potential for your own recognition ahead of your team’s dynamics is a sure-fire recipe for disaster!

Instead, take the time to get to know all the different members of your team – as well as how they operate most effectively.  If you’re working with a mixture of introverts and extroverts, you may need to adapt your management style in order to help each employee to reach his or her own potential.  Support your team members and take more pleasure in their success than in your own – believe me, your value as a manager who can balance these different challenges and still wind up with a successful project outcome will be recognized and rewarded by others in your company!

Step #3 – Solicit honest feedback

Of course, this vision of a team working harmoniously in balance is often just that – a vision of what could be, not what actually is!

Be aware that it can take time to develop your leadership skills and to embrace your own unique style of leadership (especially if your skills put you in direct opposition to commonly accepted forms of leadership).  However, the one thing you can do to speed up the process of leadership learning is to solicit honest feedback from both your superiors and the people you’re supervising to determine where improvements can be made.

This can be done in a number of different ways, from asking staff members to provide feedback throughout a project to sitting down with individuals after the fact and asking for their honest reviews.

Unfortunately, you may not always like what you hear.  Negative criticism can be difficult to accept and can bring down your confidence in your ability to lead effectively – that is, unless you choose to view this feedback as a learning opportunity.  Even if you’re truly upset about a piece of feedback that’s given, thank the deliverer and allow yourself some time to process both your immediate feelings and your later, more rational thoughts on how you can improve.

It can be a frustratingly slow process – especially if you feel that you aren’t inherently suited for leadership roles.  But by taking the time to understand the unique strengths and weaknesses that you bring to the leadership table, you’ll go on to develop both a highly valuable skill and the respect of people below you and above you within your organization.

The skill of listening often gets a bad rap in today’s corporate environment.  After all, it’s usually the person who can shout the loudest and take the most credit for work completed that tends to advance up the ladder as quickly as possible.

However, those who dismiss the power of listening without understanding how important this practice can be do their careers a serious disservice.  I know that it can be difficult to get out of the habit of putting your thoughts and opinions first in your conversations, but trust me.  Learning how to listen effectively will help you take advantage of all of the following benefits and more!

Listening makes you more knowledgeable

While I’m not suggesting that you engage in excessive office gossip, the hard truth is that those who listen more – rather than trying to figure out what they’ll chime in with next – tend to have access to more information in their careers.

Listening is an inherently flattering process.  When you give up trying to make yourself appear intelligent, witty or “in-the-know,” you demonstrate to others that you value what they have to say.  And really, who in the world doesn’t like feeling as if others value their conversational contributions?!

The point is that, when people feel flattered by your attention, they’re more likely to reveal information about themselves, their projects and their priorities that may help you out down the road.  It’s up to you whether you use this information for good or for evil, but the bottom line is that you won’t even have access to it in the first place if you don’t learn how to listen!

Listening builds relationships

Because listening can be so flattering to your conversational partners, it’s also a great tool for building rapport with the important people in your life.  Take a second to visualize all of the following situations:

• You’re in a pitch meeting with a potentially huge client.  Because you take the time to demonstrate active listening, the client feels as if you truly care about the issues facing his company and signs a contract with your company.
• Your boss has to deliver some negative feedback on your performance at work.  Although it’s hard to hear, you take the time to listen actively, which helps your boss to feel that he’s being effective and that progress is being made to resolve similar issues in the future.
• A person you’ve been assigned to work with on a group project has some serious concerns about the future direction of your work.  Since you take the time to listen – instead of steamrolling over him with your own thoughts – you’re able to eliminate potential disruptions before they occur.

In all these situations, you come out ahead – just because you made the small effort to listen actively instead of ignoring the counsel of others.

How to become a better listener

Hopefully, by this point, I’ve convinced you that it’s in your best interest to learn how to listen effectively.  If you’ve never purposefully studied this skill before, you should find the following recommendations helpful:

Tune into conversations fully – Perhaps the most difficult part of learning to listen is discovering how to turn off the voice in your brain that’s constantly thinking about witty retorts or ways to turn the conversation back to you.  To minimize this instinct, try to focus as much of your attention as possible on your conversation partner.  Does his voice sound confident, shaky, upset or joking?  What does his body language tell you about his mood?  The more you pay attention to the people you’re interacting with; the more likely you’ll be to hear, process and understand the words that they’re saying.

Repeat back questions and statements – Of course, anybody who’s ever interacted with a teenager knows that there’s a big difference between passive listening and active listening.  To demonstrate to conversation partners that you’re an active listener (in order to reap the benefits described above), try repeating back parts of the questions and statements you hear.  For example, if your boss tells you, “I’m concerned about you coming in late in the mornings,” responding back with “I understand that you’re frustrated about me coming in late in the mornings,” demonstrates that you’re actively engaged with the conversation.

Ask your own probing questions – Finally, to seal the deal on your active listening experiences, try to ask probing questions based on the information somebody has shared with you.  As an example, if a coworker tells you that he’s concerned about completing his part of a group project on time, asking questions about the factors that are causing delays and how these issues can be handled showcases both your proactive abilities and how closely you were listening to your coworkers concerns.

If you’ve never taken the time to improve your listening skills before, the process can seem strange.  But by consistently making it a priority to tune into the people around you, you’ll reap the benefits of being seen as more knowledgeable throughout your life and of forming the type of relationships that will help you to succeed in your personal and professional goals.  Believe me, it’s well worth the effort!