Even though I’ve been putting more focus on my real estate business, I won’t stop blogging on persuasive.net The bad news is that over the past few months, my posting has slowed down. The good news is that I have some great posts coming out soon so stay tuned.

“Here’s to the Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently.

They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world – are the ones who do.”

-Apple

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU

You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me. In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving.  The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends. From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?

1. Match Their Tonality

• Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
• How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest. Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

• Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
• Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
• Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w. If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a slick fast talkin’ sales person. We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget. After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting). This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical. I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.

Knowing what kind of personality type someone is can be a major advantage in building rapport, closing a deal, or networking. The hardest part isn’t learning about how to tell who is what, but rather how to use subconscious versatility at any given time. What I mean by this is being able to interact with people, instantly figuring out which personality type they are, then automatically adjusting who you are to communicate with them. Can you imagine how many new powerful connections you can make? The more people who FEEL COMFORTABLE around you, the more chances you have in exponentially increasing your business.

Personality Type: Analytical (“Let’s think this through”)

People who are the Analytical personality type usually appear to be very intelligent, nerdy, or systematical. I’m not saying that all analytical are smart or technologically advanced, although many of them are, but that most PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to the smallest details. You’ll also find that many Analyticals wear glasses because their eyes are vigorously reading and analyzing data faster than most resulting in their eyes wearing out quicker.  (This was determined from my personal experience of having dealt with thousands of people through out the years at seminars, meetings, and functions.  Analtyicals are people who, like Drivers, have little to no emotion, yet unlike Drivers or expressives, make decisions slowly and with much second thought.

• Sees overt emotion as a weakness and something to distrust.
• Needs facts, numbers, and details. Will seek out more information.
• Usually known for being a perfectionist, hates to make errors. Doesn’t forgive mistakes easily in themselves or others. Seen as intolerant.
• Great problem solving skills. Wants to be admired for their problem solving abilities.
• Likes organization and structure. Will sometimes hold to ‘rules’ even when results suffer.
• Soft voice, reserved. Not directly confrontational. Lets the data speak for itself. Expects others to agree based on facts and logical arguments.
• Gets frustrated when people don’t see ‘the right answer’ as clearly as they do.
• Usually doesn’t get bored – internal life (thinking about ‘stuff’) keeps them occupied when outside stimulus is low.

Analyticals are usually pretty easy to spot because of their neatness, structure, and sensitivity of minute detail. Dealing with an Analytical sounds quite simple, but actually requires you to provide an extensive amount of data, graphs, references, and anything else with numbers, facts, and figures.

Are you an Analytical? Have you encountered an experience with an extreme Analytical?

During the last few days, I’ve shown you 3 of the 4 personality types. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that they are not just 1 personality type, but 2 or even 3! Let me clarify: Everyone on this planet is dominantly 1 out of the 4 different personality types. It is certainly possible for you to have traits of other personalities, but you are still just 1, not 2 or 3.  Each personality type has their advantage and disadvantage.

Personality Type: Amiable (“I’m not sure if we should do it…um…”)

Have you ever had a friend in your life who was very caring and supportive? They were always there for you and did everything to make sure you were happy. There is a good chance your friend is Amiable.  Amiable’s are very reliable and trustworthy. These people are very loyal employees and amazing people to have on your team. Amiable are usually not in very high level executive positions but just remember that this doesn’t mean if you’re an Amiable, you can’t become a leader. In fact, there are leaders of major Fortune 500 companies who are Amiables, Drivers, Expressives, and Analyticals. Being an Amiable doesn’t mean you’re automatically not going to be a leader, it means that it is without a doubt harder to be one by following the characteristics listed below. Amiables also tend to be very high in emotion and make decisions slowly.

• Team player, looks for an ‘everybody wins’ result.
• Warm and friendly, but sometimes cloying.
• Doesn’t hide from feelings – expressing and listening. Caring, nurturing come easily.
• Soft spoken, goes along to ‘get along’. Uncomfortable when they don’t know how the group feels about something. Doesn’t like independent activities and decision-making.
• Rarely sticks up for their position in the face of strong opposition. Prefers compromise.

It’s quite simple to talk with people who are Amiable because they aim to please. They have a tendency to make sure that everyone likes them. When dealing with an Amiable, be sure to be very sincere, ask about their family, friends, and themselves. If you trying to close some kind of deal with them, tell them of how whatever your selling (including yourself) will impact the people around them after they buy (they care about others).

Are you an Amiable?   Have you encountered an experience with an extreme Amiable?

Like a snowball, most of you are starting you careers or experiences with small significance.  By that I don’t mean what your doing has no value because obviously it does. What I mean is that you probably have little to no power right now and will continue to have no power for a while. To become the all mighty powerful snowball, you must go down the right path.

A small snowball which is placed on a steep hill will go down much faster and collect more snow and become much bigger a lot quicker than if it weren’t a steep hill. Basic laws of physics.  However, the faster the snowball goes down the hill, the harder it will be to control the snowball toward the end of the path thereby possibly being destructive.

If you get rich to quick or too fast, you might lose control and be headed down a path of utter disappointment.  It’s interesting to see that many people who win the lotto end up going broke shortly after.  Everything happens so quickly that they almost instantly lose sight of how things work.  It’s always better to go down the not so steep ‘hill of life’ so you can progressively:

• Get rich slowly – learn amazing experiences that will help you to be better off for longer durations, compared to being rich quick, loosing quick, and then trying to be rich quick again.

• Create powerful connections – powerful connections will be very useful in various stages of your life including times when you want to go to the next level.

• Build creditability – Your creditably is important because it’s how the public or masses view you. Your credibility can also help take you to the next level or help you in time of crisis.

Would you agree the snowball effect theory being valid? Do you find yourself on a slope too steep?

Anthony Robbins stated: “People who like each other tend to be like each other.” What this means is that the more similar you are with the person you’re speaking to, the more rapport you’ll have. Ultimately with more rapport comes more power and influence. Surely this is something anyone would look for…  Check out this video from Yehuda Neuman:

Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert, emerging celebrity, film producer and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. You definitely need to follow him twitter

Here are some poweful tips for both your business and personal life

Make sure you follow @YehudaN on twitter for great tips and more!

Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert, emerging celebrity, film producer and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. You definitely need to follow him twitter

Yehuda Neuman is a widely renowned relationship expert, emerging celebrity, film producer and dating coach as well as professional sales consultant for some of the largest companies in New York City. You definitely need to follow him twitter

Have you ever had the opportunity to speak to a parrot? It sounds odd, but what I mean is to listen to a parrot mock the words you speak to it? Interestingly enough, the parrot is performing a very basic technique used in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). The parrot is obviously not doing this on purpose, but it does demonstrate the technique almost perfectly. One of the fastest and easiest ways to develop a connection with someone is to repeat what they say and approve it.

Repeat & Approve

Now this will come across as the obvious and you may experience a moment of “duh”, so give me a chance to explain. Most people automatically talk in the way I’m about to explain already. However, they talk this way with people they are already comfortable or friends with.

Example: 2 friends already in rapport

John: Hey Jack, I just bought a new car!

Jack: You bought a new car? That’s fantastic! What did you get?

John: A Range Rover.

Jack: A Range Rover. You’re kidding, that’s awesome! How much did ya get it for?

Every time John makes a comment in their conversation, Jack repeats what he says, then approves of it. This shows that you are actively listening to the person you are talking to and that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. You do this by repeating what they just said (shows that you are listening) and approving it (shows interest). Pretty simple right?

Here is another example of how this can be used in a business scenario (Jack is selling John on why he needs sales training):

Example:

Jack: So John, how much money did you make last year?

John: I made about $100,000 last year

Jack: You made $100,000, that’s excellent!

John: Yeah, thanks, I worked my butt off for that money.

Jack: Worked your butt off, I hear ya brother, and that’s fantastic. How much do you want to make this year?

John: My goal is to double it…so around $200,000.

Jack: You want to double it to $200,000, that’s perfect. Obviously you realize that in order for you to double up your business you need to do one of two things….

John: What’s that?

Jack: You need to either to double the work you do or you need to use your time more efficiently. Which way would you prefer?

John: More efficient way of course…

Jack: The more efficient way, good. That’s exactly why a person like you is the perfect candidate for my training system. Let me explain

Positive Words That Show Approval:

1. Fantastic
2. That’s Great
3. Nice
4. Excellent
5. Smart move
6. That’s perfect
7. Good
8. Good for you
9. Great

What if They Say Something Negative?

If someone your talking to you just told you that their aunt just died, you should NOT say “your aunt just died? That’s fantastic!”

Neutral/Negative Words That Show Approval:

1. Interesting
2. Really…
3. I see…
4. ouch…
5. outrageous
6. you don’t say

You should always be careful when responding to something negative. Use the word “interesting”. That’s typically the best approval word that allows you to move forward during an awkward comment.

Overkill

When I give you advice on how to become a persuasive communicator, I expect you to use the techniques such as this one appropriately. What’s important with the Repeat & Approve technique is that when you speak, your tonality should come across with sincerity. Although, I would obviously imagine you being sincere to begin with.

Don’t place your focus on repeating everything they say. By that I mean, you don’t want them to come out of a trance and be aware of something that seems amiss. When I say trance, I mean that their main focus is the current conversation with you. If you do something totally out of the blue, you will interrupt their pattern and cause them to get out of their trance. Pattern interruption is actually another technique I will teach you next time which CAN be deliberately used toward your advantage. So be cautious when implementing this technique for the first time.

Start Today

To implement this new strategy right away, have a conversation with someone you don’t get a long with that well. Be as genuinely interested as you possibly can but don’t go “overkill”. The good news about developing a connection with someone is that you almost instantly know if you’re in rapport with them or not.  Just be consciously aware of how you feel throughout the conversation.

After you do this, come back and tell me… was there a difference in your level of communication?