Most of the articles I’ve written about on persuasive.net deal with building rapport because it’s the foundation to persuasion. It doesn’t matter how good of persuasion expert you are, if the person you are trying to convince doesn’t trust you, you won’t sell them on anything. However, if you do have their trust, you can realistically get someone to almost magically give you anything you want.

Last week, I went to the Lexus dealership because my lease was up and I wanted to buy out my car . While I was waiting for my transaction to be completed, I started up a conversation with one of the sales guys outside. The man was in his early forties and had a slight southern accent.  I released a book called 7 Day Persuasive Communication so I figured I’d pitch it to him. I followed all of my basic teachings of building rapport and mirrored his body movements, mimicked his tonality, and matched his rate of speech.  Some really amazing concepts I learned from a guy named Matthew Ferry. I was also able to determine that this salesman was a very visual guy who had a hardcore analytical personality type. So I painted him a picture of what I did and what I’m all about in specific detail.  I dropped a few lines here and there about my book, but never pushed it. He was so amazed at the passion and confidence behind what I was talking about that he asked me, “How do I buy your book…” Ding Ding Ding!

*Building rapport should be done throughout your conversation so I added it as step zero.

*Step 0: Building Rapport

Mirror Their Body Language

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

*Tip: remember, they are not paying attention to the involuntary movements they are making, so don’t be afraid of getting caught, you won’t.

Mimic Their Tonality

• Accents: Copy their accent as closely as possible.  You don’t want to come across as mocking them, but make an attempt as it will make a world of difference.
• Emphasize: Usually, people emphasize certain words during a conversation so be sure to catch on quickly and do the same.
• Pronunciation: Most people pronounce words in a certain way, i.e. Tam-at-toe / Tom-a-toe
• Where They Talk From: Do they talk out of their nose like they’re congested, talk out of their throat like Kermit the Frog, or do they talk out of their chest like someone very deep or loud.
• Breathe: During the conversation, breathe like they breathe. This will create a hypnotic synchronization.

Match Their Rate of Speech

• Fast: If they talk fast, then you talk fast.
• Slow: If they talk slow, then you talk slow.

Step 1: Ask a Question

• Since selling isn’t telling, strike up a conversation by asking someone a question.
• Ask more questions. People usually spill the beans about their needs and wants when they talk about themselves.  Also, many people do what’s called a Freudian slip, which means to accidentally say something they had on their mind out loud. This can give you excellent personal information to work with.

Step 2: Talk about their interest

• If a person doesn’t trust you, there is no way they’ll buy from you. Once you hear some trigger words, use them as leverage to continue a conversation purely about their interest. An example would be if hear that they like dogs, get into a conversation about dogs. Yes it’s that simple.
• Use tie downs during your conversations to get them into a ‘yes’ mode
  

Step 3: Introduce whatever you are selling

• You want to discretely bring up whatever it is your selling intertwined with your conversation. Learn how to make proper transitions (“that reminded me of…”)
• Be careful with the way you reference it as you don’t want to set off their salesman alarm.

Step 4: Get them excited

• Now you want to work on getting them excited. The psychology behind what you are doing here is simple. You are setting yourself up for a ‘close’ by getting them into a ‘buying state of mind’. Remember, people usually don’t buy something when they are depressed.
• The way you get someone excited is by continuing to talk about their interest, smiling, laughing, fluctuating your voice and volume.

Step 5: Close

If you have followed steps 1-4 precisely, then by the time you are at step 5, you and the person should be having a good fun conversation

During my conversation with the Lexus Salesman, I never told him to buy my book, but I did reference it throughout my conversation. Since I was able to paint such a vivid picture of what happens when you read my book and about how it’s the logical decision for any salesperson to own a copy, he asked me to purchase it. Again, this wasn’t by accident, it was because I built solid rapport and literally planted a seed which quickly sprouted toward the end of our conversation. Ideally, you want to imply for them to take action, without having to say so. For example, I said to the salesman,

Me: “…how long have you been trying to become to the top sales person here?

Him: “6 months now…”

Me: “From my observation, most people have breakthroughs when they have the confidence to do so. They have the confidence because of what they know. This is something I stress to all my readers”

Him: “well yah..we can all use help you know…”

Me: “Well, my whole goal with my book 7 Day Persuasive Communication was to do just that. It’s provides the confidence you look for by giving you the linguistical know-how to drive a conversation to your advantage.”

Him: “That’s pretty interesting…Hey, how do I buy this book?”

So to clarify Step 5:

• Imply whatever it is that you are selling. Compare it to their needs but use someone else as an example.  During my conversation with the Lexus guy, I kept mentioning that it’s an amazing book for people who are looking to make a breakthrough in their sales career.
• Ideally, you want the person you are talking to ask you for the sale. If you do this right, they would be the ones who say, “how do I buy this”, “can you start working for me next week?”, or “can I hire you?”

Other Techniques

There are many other techniques involved in persuading someone, but as you can see, the core is about building rapport. Once you gain their trust, you can suggest for them to do anything you want.

Always ask questions! Selling isn’t telling. Use the concepts I gave you from Tie Downs to help you in that department. For those of you interested in the book I was talking about, click 7 Day Persuasive Communication for details.

So tell me this, what idea are you looking to persuade someone on and how will you do it?

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU

You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me.  In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving.  It is always better to give then to receive.   The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends.  From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?

1. Match Their Tonality

• Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
• How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest.  Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

• Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
• Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
• Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w.  If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a  slick fast talkin’ sales person.  We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid  (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget.  After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting).  This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical.  I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.