In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), State Calibration are just “indicators” of a person’s state. When the red light is on on the oven, it mean it’s heating up.  When you’ve calibrated a person, you can know that a specific person a brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched means they’re perplexed.  Therefore the “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched” state is like the red light on the oven; both the red oven light and the furrowed brow, squint, and hunch serve as indicators for what’s going on “inside”.

How Do You Calibrate a State?

When you see a person having a unique body posture, or movement, you ask them what they feel, and if they respond, you’ll know that that specific external body language, posture, breathing, and the like corresponds to their state!  ANY time you see them with “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched, ask them what they’re feeling.  If they respond, you’ve just successfully calibrated their state!  Now whenever you see that external body language, you will understand that for that person it calibrates to “perplexed”.

A green light on the oven could mean, “cleaning mode”, just as someone who’s in a state where their breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling, and you ask them what they feel they’ll say “happy” you’ve calibrated that “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” to mean happy for THEM.  So to that specific person, just as the green light means “cleaning mode”, “breathing steady, chest out, and smiling” means “feeling happy”.  Now, “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” does not mean happy for every person; just that specific person. To continue the analogy to now an absurd level of metaphor (LOL!) everyone’s “oven” is built different with different indicator lights. The oven lights are just a metaphor for “external indicator” that calibrates to an “internal state”.

So Why is This Useful?

State Calibration has millions of applications, but we can focus on two: dissolving confusion and persuasion.   Having calibrated a state is obviously clarifying because it  decreases confusion from ALL of these external states and configurations of body posture, breathing cadence, brow, voice tone, etc, because now you know, after calibrating, those are indicators of internal states. If you ask them what they’re feeling (so you don’t fall into the trap of mind reading) and they answer with a response of their internal state, you have just calibrated their external sensory indicators to their internal state! Congrats!! Successful calibration!

Persuasive Calibration

Now let’s examine the persuasive benefits of State Calibration.  Let’s say you’ve calibrated a state when you notice a person has “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet”.  What state does that calibrate to?  Well you ask them and they respond, “Interested.  I feel interested right now.” Excellent!  Now you know that whenever that person displays that “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet” external behavior, then you know they’re interested.  Why would knowing their internal state be so persuasively valuable?  Let’s say you’re offering this person a sale and he suddenly pops into his “interested state” but SAYS “The price is too high; I don’t have my heart set on the product.”  If you hadn’t calibrated, you might have sold the product to him for a lower price.  However, the calibration master would demand the sale as is or even increase the price!  Why?  Because the person who has calibrated already knows that this person is clearly interested.

Additionally, you can know when you’ve successfully put someone into a state.  What if you’ve calibrated a woman to “aroused” or a prospective client to “attentive and eager”.  You know when your communication is successful because you have those calibration “lights” that flick on revealing to you that your communication is effective!  All the best communicators and the most persuasive people utilize state calibration because everyone needs “checks and indicators” for if what they’re communicating is working or not!  You need feedback for what and how you communicate and all the lights start flashing and you can learn to read a person “like an oven” with effective state calibration!

About the Author: John Thomas Kooz also blogs on Validate Life

• Using Tie downs- Ties downs are sentences that you use after particular states you make to bring more interaction in your conversation.
• Repeat & Approve -This technique allows your client to subconsciously understand and believe you are giving them your undivided attention.
• Create Awareness – You can easily create awareness in a conversation with a client which will not only give you their attention, but it will also allow you to create and lead the conversation in any direction you want.
• Irresistible Persuasion – Learn how you can understand how a client makes a decision so you can customize your pitch and responses to their objections.
• Future Pacing – This brilliant technique helps you handle objections that your client may create by talking to someone else which allows your client to keep their commitment.
• Pain & Pleasure – Everyone on this planet either moves away from pain or goes toward pleasure. Discovering how you should handle each person will help you create rapport and motivate them to take action.
• Embedded Commands – Simple and easy embedded command strategies to make your clients take action when it is time to do so.
• Has There Ever Been a Time When – This language pattern has the power to make your client feel a certain way to motivate them into instant action
• 7 Day Persuasive Communication – My best selling eBook about language patters you can use within your day to day life to sell yourself, products, services, and ideas to increase your business and make you money.

You think it’s bad having a few collectors call you during the day, Donald had collectors calling him round the clock (international investors).  Donald came to a point where he needed to make a move so he decided to call an emergency meeting with his investors.  Everyone at the meeting was pissed and looking to get their investment return.  What the Donald did was unheard of and completely unexpected.  He asked his investors, whom he owed billions of dollars to for MORE MONEY! Many investors decided not to but several did.  This was the turning point in Donald’s life because with this new cash power, he was able to make various smart investments which brought him out of the red and into the billions of dollars he’s worth today.

When a person reaches a point of being several thousands of dollars of debt, they change into a negative depressed state of mind.  Imagine what state your mind would be in if you were over a billion dollars in debt!  When life gave The Donald lemons, he made lemonade, then sold the lemonade and made huge amounts of profits.

I’m not telling you its okay to have debt, good debt vs. bad debt, or anything about finance, I’m telling you that there will always be a time where you have a serious down.  You’ll hit rock bottom.  Maybe even more than once.  People work so hard in their endeavors and fail to reach success, yet little do they know, their success was only seconds, days , or months away.  In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill tells of a story of these people who were digging for gold but decided to give up.  The gold was only 3 feet away.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING - “When the situation gets critical, those who aren’t weak-willed work harder and never give up.
-Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969), the father of (U.S.) President John F. Kennedy

Let’s put our conscious awareness to how our brain responds to our actions.  Keep working harder and smarter to make your dreams a reality.

I for one have several major projects that require me to work extremely hard.  I know that I’m literally within a year’s period of time before I make it big time.

What are you quests, adventures, endeavors that you’re struggling with to take off?

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IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU

You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me.  In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving.  It is always better to give then to receive.   The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends.  From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?

1. Match Their Tonality

• Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
• How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest.  Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

• Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
• Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
• Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w.  If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a  slick fast talkin’ sales person.  We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid  (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget.  After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting).  This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical.  I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.

Embedded Commands

These are words that are sort of like ticking time bombs for the brain. They are 1-3 words that are within sentence that have a relatively powerful impact on your prospects decision making process. For example: It seems like you clearly agreeing with what I’m telling you so let’s ACT NOW so I can help you get what you want in the time you need it…does that work for you? This is a very simple pattern to catch on to. Keep in mind that when you SAY THIS OUT LOUD, you put unique emphasis on your embedded command. Sooner or later, after much practice, you’ll begin to discover a difference on our prospect’s action. This command is very subliminal meaning that it will affect them subconsciously.

Here are some more examples of embedded commands:

say yes; do it now; tell me yes; sign the contract; choose me; hire me; trust me; do what I say; feel good; feel confident; feel comfortable

Start your persuasive language by using embedded commands within the sentences you use on a daily basis. Remember, these word(s) need to have a very unique emphasis when said.

Since we are now adults, what do we do?
Where you are today is what you experienced in the last 5-10 years of your life. Where you will be in the next 5-10 years will be determined by what you do from now until then.  Even if you see yourself as shy, dumb, not good enough, or whatever you were negatively conditioned as, you can break through this barrier. To transform who are you are today to who you want to be requires an enormous amount of energy. The first question I’d ask you before you make this change: how badly do you want it? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Deliberately place yourself in uncomfortable situations and you’ll begin to grow and be stronger mentally. Always ask yourself, “is what I’m doing right now causing me to be uncomfortable?”

We, like any business, need to be continuously growing, because if we are not growing, then we are dying. The World is extremely fast paced and doesn’t wait for anyone. You either grow as quickly as you can to move ahead, or be left behind.

What are some things you can decide on right now that will cause you to be uncomfortable?

A friend of mine, who is an atomic visual, did terrible in a some of his classes because most of his professors used lectures (auditory) as their style of teaching. However the classes he was doing well in were with professors who taught in a visual style.

This obviously worked vice versa for students who more auditory or kinesthetic than visual. This is a clear cut example that teachers and professors should be able to teach their students with more versatility. I don’t disagree that the students should also learn to become versatile, but the bottom line is, we will almost always be more dominate in one area, so it’s becomes imperative for teachers and professors to learn to educate with more versatility.

Have you noticed this in school?

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Clarification

These are some common words used in an argument:

• Everybody…
• Everyone…
• No one…
• You always…
• You never…

These words are called universal quantifiers. They are used in arguments to build leverage which most of the time are not true. Be sure to challenge your opponent when they use these words because each time you do, you weaken their argument.  Also, now that you are aware of what they mean, avoid using these words unless you know it’s true.

Disclaimer: Do not be rude and abrupt. Using this method only works when you’re calm and collected.  You are not putting them down for making a mistake, you are simply correcting a mistake they made which overall gives you plus points.
This also happens vice versa. To keep your arguments powerful and strong, be consciously aware of the words that you use because they can bite you in the butt.
Instead of using the aforementioned the words, using the following words, will defend your argument:

• Sometimes…
• Most of the time…
• Almost always…
• You usually…

Whether you believe in his ways or not, Tom Lykis displays this style of speaking very well. Listen to when he argues with a caller that’s against him. He almost always wins the arguments because he uses words that give him room and maneuverability so to speak.

Staying calm

Staying calm is without a doubt very important in arguing. Being loud, obnoxious, or angry will only weaken your argument and you’ll find yourself repeating points.

Attack mode

DO NOT! I repeat, do not use profanity or insults or any type of attacks against your opponent.

Pattern Interuption

Pattern Interruption means to change the state of mind your opponent is in  at any given time. You can interrupt someone’s pattern by making a joke, saying something random and completely unrelated.  You can even use a random object to distract them or ramble on in long confusing sentences.  What this does it confuse your opponent’s subconscious mind.  Having their subconscious mind confused, is equivalent to them standing on one leg.  This advantage allows you to use language patterns. (which will be covered next week)

Winning

If your opponent starts to bring a new argument into the current argument, then your opponent is metaphorically being cornered.  If you notice this happening, avoid getting into the new argument and finish the current one.

What are some techniques you use to win arguments?

Throughout my years of studying human behavior, I’ve trained myself with the ability to converse with no fear. Having exceptional conversational skills is a necessity if you plan on being a high achiever in life.

To have an easy going conversation and start the process of building rapport it is best to choose a topic which is  relatively universal.   Before, many people resorted to using, “how’s the weather?” This is unquestionably no longer effective and is actually perceived as powerless.

Talk about food! It is a great conversation starter,  I have used this strategy for years and it works almost every time! I started eating meat after I turned 18! Most kids are excited about turning 18 because they are now adults, the can buy dirty magazines and cigarettes. I started eating meat! I was deprived of meat as a child since my family is vegetarian. I didn’t start eating meat  because I became adult, it was because I didn’t follow the same beliefs my parents did.  This was a turning point in life because I rediscovered my taste buds.

It is then followed by details on favorite types of food, their favorite types of foods, which branch into restaurants, then locations, which then opens up a million other ideas. The concept behind this is that people like being around people who they FEEL COMFORTABLE with. Many people like talking about food, so why not start there? Food is the New Weather.

What other topics would you recommend for starting up a conversation?

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Has there ever been a time when you decided to write down your goals and then never looked at them again?

Why do you think that is? Beside the fact that only 50% of the world are motivated by goals, most people are simply too lazy, careless, or just forget.
The only way that goals can work are by doing one thing: TELL EVERYONE
Tell everyone you can possibly think of everywhere you go. The more people that know what your looking to accomplish, the more people that will indirectly hold you accountable. The more people that hold you accountable, the less chances you’ll forget about your goals.  Simple and true. You must still do the basics:

• Choose a goal that has true meaning and importance to you

• Write your goals as defined and specific as possible

• Have it in a place you’ll be able to see it every day. Place a reminder in your calendar to change the location every 3-4 weeks because having in the same place after a while will make the visual of your goals obsolete.

• START RIGHT NOW, not on Monday and definitely NOT ON January 1st!!!

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