Friday, February 20th, 2009
Comments... How say you?

Do You Have a Friend Who is a Loser? Get Rid of Em!

Friend Loser

It is easy for me to say that most people surround themselves with losers.   If you want to become successful, rich, or happy, you should do whatever it takes to grow, right?  As human beings, we must grow, because like a business, if we don’t grow, we die.  I don’t mean literally die, but I mean mentally and socially.

How Can You Classify One as Being a Loser?

  • No job (not looking hard enough)
  • No money (lack of motivation to make it)
  • Lazy
  • Party all the time (unless it’s related to your job)
  • Too much drugs
  • Too much focus on girls (for guys, mainly 18-25)
  • Willingness to NOT step out of your comfort zone

I agree that the term “loser” sounds bad, but it is the best way for me to get your attention. If you are surrounding yourself with people who fit the criteria listed above, you will be brought down to their level.  I believe I read this in a book, please do correct me if I’m wrong, but if you take the income of 10 of your closest friends, or people you hang around the most, take the average, your income will equal around that amount.  If you hang around people who make jack sh*t, then chances are, you are making jack sh*t.

LAY DOWN WITH DOGS, AND YOU WILL COME UP WITH FLEAS

Surround Yourself With Successful People

What should you do? My good friend Neil Patel has told me that this year, he wants to befriend 5 billionaires. WOW, what a goal! I personally know of maybe 1 or 2 millionaires and that’s probably on no more than a first name basis.  It’s hard for me to even fathom befriending 1 billionaire.  The idea is so simple though so PAY CLOSE ATTENTION: Imagine being able to spend one hour with a successful business tycoon like Donald Trump. Do you think you’ll learn something that will help you make money?  Of course!

Setup a goal to meet someone who makes 10x the income you do. Don’t get smart with me and say 10 x zero is =zero  :) . If your goal is not money, then find someone who does what you want to do at a measurable 10x higher level.

Where Do You Find These People?

This is the question I usually get right after I tell someone to change their friends.  The answer is: network like crazy! Out of everyone you know, I will bet that they know someone who is successful or they might know someone who knows someone that is at the level you are looking for.  Read my blog on building rapport and also learn how you can sell yourself.  There is always a way to find successful people, you just have to make the effort.  Go to a seminar in an industry you have interest in and you will come across many like-minded individuals. If you decide not to go through with making an effort, then you should transform your mindset and change. If you don’t, then you might become a loser too.a time for a change.

Nothing is Wrong With Not Wanting to be Rich

Let me clarify, not being a loser, doesn’t mean you have to be someone who is interested in making a tons of money.  What I mean is that you should surround yourself with people who are interested in growing mentally,physically, financially, and even spiritually.   The more people you have around you that put genuine interest in growing, the easier it will be for you to transform your mind to win.

Do You Have Losers in Your Life?

Chances are that after you read this, you will begin to nod your head and say, “Yes AJ I totally agree with you. Losers mess up your entire mindset and hold you back from success.” And then the rest of you will be very confrontational and write a nasty comment about my outlandish blog post below.  Look, many of you have these losers in your life that you still care for and maybe even have been friends for 10+ years. However, the bottom line is, if they are unwilling to change their poor habits, are you willing to sacrifice your own success?

How to Get Rid of Losers

At this point, I assume that you have tried to help these losers out, but they still wouldn’t budge. Now it’s time to get rid of em’:

  1. Get out a sheet of paper and write on one side “Up-lifters” and the other side “Losers”
  2. Take everyone from the “Losers” side and clear their contact info from your phone, email, computer, phone book etc.
  3. If they call you to hang out or whatever, no need to be rude, just say you are busy working or something. Again, don’t be rude, let them know that you are busy working on growing your life.
  4. If you are interested in doing it in an extreme way like how I did it when I was 17, change your phone number and only give your new number to the “Up-lifters”.

So now my question to you is, are you going to do it? Are you going to get rid of the losers in your life?


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Category: AJ's Top 5 / Mindset / Personal Development
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  • Dutchy
    To many losers on Facebook, good article.
  • clancy3909
    Losers are adults who stay in there little box and never venture out of it.Yet always rip on people who do.Losers are people who's idea of fun is to drink daily or smoke weed daily because they seem to feel this makes them more interesting.Humm NOT!!!Finally losers are people who just give up inside and out.We only get one life ladies and gents.
    Take all the chances you can!!
  • Exactly. I knew a lot of people like that, especially during my high school days :) Your best bet is to get rid of em!
  • GTkiwi
    Food for thought here AJ...Interesting viewpoints from folks out there.Gathering with positve,like minded people,Is indeed a great way to Grow in all aspects of ones being!
    In these chalenging times we find ourselves,Its encouraging to find a little positvity can go a long way!!!...Like attracts like,Success attracts success,Growth attracts growth..
    Have a Great day!
    GT New Zealand.
  • rebekahslevi
    I think I know what you mean....I had a lot of negative things happen to me, but I realize this wasn't about me. The more I have grown as a person, the more positive I become.
    When I get around negative people, it really brings me down. The more positive I am, the more I am able to identify people who are positive. Not those in denial but those who are more open to possibilities, appreciate those things in life that are beautiful, don't hang onto bitterness. I believe that forgiving and letting go is important in all this. and I believe that when I am wrong, that I should be "big enough" to ask for forgiveness, and then move on.
    I try to remember that God is in control, and that God is love. and God love those whom I may not love, and it includes those whom I may not be comfortable with. They deserve a smile, kindness, and common consideration. Even if they don't feel the way I do. My life and beliefs are not based in who the receiver is(if I show kind & thoughtful behavior, can they perceive my kindness and thoughtfulness?). My life is based in what I know to be true--that God is love and who am I to be unloving to someone I disagree with? God loves them the same as he does me. However, I am at the same time aware that a lot of folks tend to project their own psychological material off on to me. and they do not perceive me for who I am. They only see what they can see, which "ain't" much, since their repertoire of thinking, perceiving, feeling, is so limited.
    They alone are responsible for this dilemma they are in. If they live in a closed loop of unending pain, and destructive behavior. If at some point they can think, perceive, or see outside the box they are living in, THEN at some point we all can hope that these perceptions, and stinking thinking they are stuck in, can somehow be interuppted by good, kindness, and knowing that there is love for them.

    Hopefully they will one day think something like, "...is it really true that there is love in the universe, and that someone loves me...? Without this type of paradigm shift there little hope of getting out of that closed loop and the stinking thinking that goes along with it.
    But it is possible. I did it, and my life will never be the same. Dare to doubt your doubts.
    All the best Rebekah
  • Hi Paisley,

    I appreciate your comment.
    The whole 5 billionaires thing..if you look at my last paragraph, then you would realize that I specifically clarify that you that its not about money that classify one as being a loser.

    I never said anything wrong about the people that need assistance etc. Look closley at my article and you'll realize that I talk specifically about people who CHOOSE to

    * No job (not looking hard enough) - has a job
    * No money (lack of motivation to make it) - has money and motivation to make more
    * Lazy - he sleeps like 4-5 hours a day, because he spends his time working
    * Party all the time (unless it’s related to your job)- he hardly parties for the fun of it, unless he does it with or for clients
    * Too much drugs- Not that the public is aware of...
    * Too much focus on girls (for guys, mainly 18-25)- he does not waste time searching for girls.
    * Willingness to NOT step out of comfort zone-steps out of his comfort zone all the time which makes him grow each day.

    Even if people need support...if THEY CAN do something about it, then they would be considered losers, but if they can't obviously they wouldn't.

    Look read my entire article...I knew this one would be controversial, so I made sure I dotted my 'i's' and crossed my 't's'
  • A person with a strong character will not be negatively influenced by people labeled as 'losers'.

    In fact, being exposed to 'losers' should motivate you to live life in a more productive and meaningful way.

    People who imagine they can be brought down by 'losers' have a problem and need to get it sorted out.

    Anyone with the determination to overcome obstacles and improve life will - regardless of 'losers', 'winners' or anybody else.

    Every first world inhabitant should be succesful. For goodness sake, there's a safety net called social security yet there are many 'losers'. This is because it's not all about money. There are social problems people are born into and contribute to their low self-esteem and character. These people need support and assistance even though they live in countries that are wealthy. I won't discard them.

    The five billionaires mentioned, must they only be billionaires or must they be decent human beings as well?

    Anyone who actually believes their plans are threatened or negatively influenced by having contact with 'losers' needs help. That is, if any of the 'winners' will give you the time of day.
  • Anton La Vey
    Most of all, get rid of the goth losers, they are energy draining vampires. I am aware of those below me trying to befriend me as instructed by this and other similar schemes.
  • Well, I would never go to the extreme of saying just because one is goth, you should get rid of them. It's not about that at all...
  • Rosita
    Is joining the military a losers way out? I feel like joining the military becuz i will not be financially able to move out on my own, and alot of the people i hang around are shady and would not be good roomates. I graduated high school and went to cosmetology school but dropped out cause i didn't enjoy it after three weeks. I have alot of family issues, we do not get along. I am not good at keeping jobs. I totaled my car eight months ago, and even though i have had plenty of time to get a used car and make payments, i have no desire to, yet i hate the fact i live with my family and want to get out so bad, at the same time i do nothing about it. why?
  • You are comfortable, scared, attached... You are not alone here. Many people are in the same circumstances as you. Life is all about challenges. I wouldn't say you are a loser unless you told me that you are at home all day long eating Twinkies and watching TV on your parents dime. The economy is pretty bad right now and many people have moved back in with parents and relatives. Read this: Take a few steps back for every giant leap forward. Don't chose the military as an option to escape your problems, chose it because you want to do it. Instead of focusing on why your doing everything wrong (i.e not good at keeping jobs), understand the origin. Why aren't you good at keeping jobs and how can you change it. Does that make sense?
  • yeah right
    Because someone's value as a person depends completely on their employment status or wealth.

    Heaven forbid you befriend someone because you like them or you get along. Better to make it a goal to befriend five billionaires instead. Who cares if their personalities suck! At least they're rich!
  • Sarcasm detected ;). You should read my post carefully, instead of just glancing over key points. Befriending someone wealthy is for people who are interested in making more money. Befriending someone spiritual, is for people who interested in becoming more spiritual. Hopefully you get the point. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't surround yourself who isn't interested in growing in some form or another.
  • Barbara
    This sounds good in theory, but it is cold hearted. How can you judge others without being judged yourself? It is good to get rid of bad friends, I guess, but what if you end up with no friends? Maybe like attracts like.

    There should be some sort of backup for bad friends. You shouldn't be judged by the company you keep. No man is an island. It is hard to stay all alone.

    This is like people who like you for your money, popularity, or looks. What happens if you suddenly fail? Then all these people will run.

    What happens if you suddenly become more successful than your new friends? Do you dump them and try to move up? What if you reach the top and there is no one good enough left for you?
  • It's not cold-hearted, it's just the simple truth. You hang around the wrong people, and you'll bring yourself down to their level. I'm not telling you to find people who are popular, rich, sexy, etc. I'm saying that you should hang around people who have similar interests and most importantly, want to constantly grow.
  • "If you are interested in doing it in an extreme way like how I did it when I was 17, change your phone number and only give your new number to the “Up-lifters”."

    Dude, that sounds like me !! When I was 16 to severe my ties with losers I took the MASSIVE extreme step of literally switching schools , abruptly chopping off all ties with loser friends. Then of course I met more loser friends and it's been a gradual but currently effective process of conncting up with truly successful people so that now, "losers" don't even register on my radar.

    This article was great man! I've been stalled in the process of cleaning out my contacts I had 634 and a LARGE majority of them were seriously loser contacts. I love the simple distinction: uplifter or loser. ditch the losers. Sweet!!! EXCELLENT man. You must label. You have to judge. I hate the "go with the flow bs crap". You're a friend, AJ. Great site.
  • Thanks John. What you did seemed even more drastic then what I did. And like a cancer cell, it only takes 1 loser to introduce you to and bring upon more losers in your life.
  • Jon
    What if the "loser" that you associate with has something to blackmail you with and you can't DUMP him or else he will expose you? any suggestions?
  • Jon, that is a completely different situation. Obviously this person is a loser, especially considering that they are black mailing you. So your only options are either to convince this person to keep their mouth shut, or slowly drift your friendship apart. Lastly, which I find as the best solution is that you can expose the truth before they can.

    The last solution is no doubt the hardest thing, but will be the one that lets you sound asleep. I have had these situations too often in my life, and even till this day I know of people who are stuck in the same situation as you. Again, the best solution to this problem is exposing the truth before they expose the lie.
  • Edwin
    Hey there AJ! Great article man! I really enjoyed what you had to say. Funny thing is, I've actually been getting rid of my "loser" friends for good, people who were holding me back (purposely, too) and were complete downers. Once I realized this, I took charge of my life and started focusing on surrounding myself with up-lifters, and things have seemed to get better and better ever since!
  • Glad to here it Edwin! It's very hard for many people to do, but you'll feel refreshed after doing so. I look forward to hearing about how your life changes.
  • James
    Just wanted to add, it's pretty selfish to see what benefit someone can give to you. Imagine someone looking at you and thinking about who you are. He would judge you by what you can do for him.
  • There is no selfish in mutual benefiting off one another. You are technical benefiting off your friends right now...for companionship, friendship, comfort, someone to talk to, advice.
  • James
    Why in the world would those billionaires want to be YOUR friend? If they have the same mentality as you, they won't care about you. Your income will drag their 10 closest friend's average down by a lot. I would like to add, please don't be so materialistic. I like money a lot, but you're really going overboard here.
  • How am I going overboard? I never said if your friend has no money dump them? Read my post carefully before you write your comment. I CLARIFY exactly what I mean by loser.

    I say that you should hang out with people that are wealthier than you and have a strong drive of positivity etc. I am not being materialist because I also covered spirituality at people are just interested in growing in general.

    James, I wrote this post VERY carefully to make sure I covered exactly what I meant. If you read the comments, there are several people like yourself who question this blog. I tell them the same thing I told you, read my words carefully.
  • tom
    You become who you associate with. So you have the choice to be around those who are worse off and adapt those habits or adapt the habits from someone who is more successful.

    Please, lets get real, money is the foundation. If we are so materialistic, then how did you get access to the internet? I might as well call you materialistic too.

    As AJ said, he clarified specifically in this article what he means.
  • Xence
    About a year and a half or so ago I started a hockey team with a bunch of people I had never met. I took all of the 'scrubs' (if you will) from the extra's list and threw a team together because a couple of friends and I thought it would be fun. Well as time progressed one individual on this team wanted to be friends with me outside of the game. Nice guy, married and all of that. The first impression I ever had of him though was this guy was a loser. Well here we are and this person, again he is genuinely a nice guy, but he has to be one of the most unmotivated people I have ever met in my life. I genuinely feel dumber for having associated with him. I am now in the process of attempting to extricate myself from any dealings with him. This individual does absolutely nothing to edify my life spiritually, philosophically, or financially. I went to his house the other day because he was having a computer problem and the first thing I see is a christmas tree. No really I'm not kidding. This was 3/6 so it wasn't like this happened awhile ago. There are multiple instances where I have given this person the best advice in various situations and he is completely unwilling to use any of it. He whines about everything but then never does anything to straighten the situation out. I am now at a point (took me long enough) of being beyond disgusted with this person and as stated previously I will be extricating myself from any dealings with this person.

    Of the 7 points you stated above he & his wife are at least 4 of these. Losers ... they really are a drag on people's lives. Not that they are horrible people but I have to agree that being associated with one is not good for personal growth.

    Cheers,
    Xence
  • WOW. Thank you so much for sharing that Xence.

    A CHRISTAMS TREE!!! LOL!

    Yes, they are a "drag". Good choice of a word. :D
  • same
    Correction..*** Sacrify**
  • same
    AJ..

    How about if someone sacrife him/herself by helping their friends in life.Then,his/her friends has a better life than him.Is him/her a loser?or how is it?confused..?? : (
  • I personally think one should not sacrifice one's own life for someone who is unwilling to change.

    But if someone were to do that, then of course the person who sacrificed themselves IS NOT a loser. They never were, they trying to help the person who was a loser.

    Think about this: If a person can only change by taking away the life of another human being, what does that tell you about that person?
  • Jim
    My wife has a friend who is a loser, but she refuses to dump her. How can I influence someone else to dump a loser?
  • Start by having your wife read this article. It is difficult to have someone instantly dump a "loser", especially if they are attached to them like how your wife is. Be honest and truthful with her the consequences of being around the wrong people.

    Then ,eventually she will want to help her friend which may or may not work. As soon as she finally understands her friend who is a "loser" is unwilling to change, then and only then will she dump them.

    So it starts with her becoming aware. Do you get what I mean?
  • Joe
    You had me until you said "Donald Trump." You still have me actually, hang out with losers and you'll be a loser, but your credibility is shot if you think Donald Trump has any great knowledge of business to impart on anyone. He inherited his start and has been losing money ever since. Update your post and maybe Ill read the rest.
  • Amanda
    I agree with Joe, I think "Donald Trump" as an example was a bad idea.
    Donald Trump is one of the Biggest LOSERS! I am certain that there is nothing Donald Trump does or says that is informative , usefull or benefits anyone else but Donald Trump.
  • Trump is not a loser. He is a VERY successful business man. Trump being successful is not even arguable. He has provided A LOT for this country, from an amazingly popular TV to hundreds if not thousands of jobs. Just because he is arrogant does not make him a loser.
  • Amanda
    AJ , there you go again defining success by money. Donald is a loser if you were to add selfish, self-centered , sense of entitlement and supercilious to your list of 7 item describing a loser. These attributes are evident in Mr. Trump even to a 12 yerar old child.Sorry forgot add chasing girls. How many times has he been married and failed at it. These aforementioned attribues are far more appropriate in defininng a loser than how much money you have. Loser drain others of enery and resources which is what Trump does for personal gain. A "B" rated tv show can hardly be qualified as a worthwhile contribution to the world. (again feeding his own ego)
  • Amanda,

    You cannot say that I'm defining success by money again if I did not even do it the first time.

    So what if he cares about making money, many people have gotten rich of him too.

    * No job (not looking hard enough) - has a job
    * No money (lack of motivation to make it) - has money and motivation to make more
    * Lazy - he sleeps like 4-5 hours a day, because he spends his time working
    * Party all the time (unless it’s related to your job)- he hardly parties for the fun of it, unless he does it with or for clients
    * Too much drugs- Not that the public is aware of...
    * Too much focus on girls (for guys, mainly 18-25)- he does not waste time searching for girls.
    * Willingness to NOT step out of comfort zone-steps out of his comfort zone all the time which makes him grow each day.

    Again, just because he is arrogant, self centered, cocky, or whatever you want to call him, does not make him a loser. He donates more money to charity each than what MOST people can give in an entire life time.

    Even wit a "B" rated show, he is still able to create more jobs and more money for other people.

    He provides more contribution to the world than most people.

    I do not understand why you have hatred toward someone just because they are arrogant and successful.
  • Haha, Joe I respect your hatred toward D Trump and just remember that he is just an example. Yes he did inherit his money, but he is a VERY smart business man. He had money, turned it into more money, lost it all and then got it all back and then some. Regardless, it does look like you understood the overall message :)
  • tom
    Ken,

    Ummm I think you got the totally wrong idea about this post.
    AJ is simply talking about how to get ahead and grow as a person by associating yourself with people higher than your current level, so you can learn from them and move up.

    And when you say you have more money than most of your friends, you are not happy with it because that is all you have. If you actually developed value with whatever you do then you would be speaking in that regard.

    Maybe that is why you are pissed off and saying people take advantage of you because either you did not learn from the reality of how people are and instead got pissed off and now became a hater.
    And as a result, you isolated yourself from the world and are out to make it big on your own.
    Guess what there are people in the world that want to help you, you just have to find them and more importantly fight for what you want.
  • ken
    AJ Kumar
    You probably have no real friends.
    I make more money then most of my friends but they are really fun to hang out with.
    What makes you think that a rich guy won`t dump you for leeching on him.
    Find a friend on the same level as you. You can be more yourself that way.
    I don`t want to live life kissing ass
    and I don`t want to live life helping people that take me for granted and using me.
    But when friends are on the same level as you they will help when you need it.
    If you had real friends you would not be writing such negative post.
    I hope all your so called millionaire friends dump you for being a loser compared with them. They will have nothing to gain from you except give you a taste of your own medicine.
  • Ken,

    There is no need to gloat about making more money because this post's is NOT about money. It's about being with people who are interested in growing, not doing nothing with there life.

    Let me ask you,which one of your friends fit in that category listed above? Why do you take such offense to this article? Who said anything about kissing ass? And who said anything about "leeching" off a rich guy.

    People who leave comments like YOU obviously do care about money because for some reason, that's all you're able to interpret from the post. Read it carefully and realize that it's about growing in all aspects, not just financially.
  • AJ
    This is an excellent post/ I'm far from perfect but getting tired of dealing with and being affected by negativity. I can battle the whole world and win listen to my wife and my head explodes ..
    I forsee a roadtrip coming down the pike:)
    PS This site actually helps people thanks
    but you got to take action;)
  • I'm glad you feel that way John. And yes people must take action else it's just information they'll forget a few weeks from now
  • Pete Scott
    Dumping friends over money is a shallow thing to do at any level. You should be ashamed A J Kumar. Clearly they're not your friends if you ditch them over money. Classifying people as losers is also childish and just makes you look insecure at your own position, blaming other people for your own faults. I'd be surprised if you have any friends with your attitude.
  • Hey Pete,

    Please read my blog in it's entirety before you comment with such hast.

    "Let me clarify, not being a loser, doesn’t mean you have to be someone who is interested in making a tons of money. What I mean is that you should surround yourself with people who are interested in growing. "

    How is classifying people as losers childish? If your an adult and fit the following:

    * No job (not looking hard enough)
    * No money (lack of motivation to make it)
    * Lazy
    * Party all the time (unless it’s related to your job)
    * Too much drugs
    * Too much focus on girls (for guys, mainly 18-25)
    * Willingness to NOT step out of comfort zone

    I consider that childish. I am very secure about my position and only have people in my life that are interested in growing (again not necessarily for money).

    I don't blame others for anything which is why I decide to stay away from the people I classify as losers.
  • You ARE right! Everyone has at least one of those 'friends' that weigh us down like rocks. BREAK FREE people!
  • Good analogy...weighing you down like rocks. I like that :) and so very true.
  • MOSES TURNBUCKLE
    AJ KUMAR- Its obvious you have chosen one of the biggest ?s that is still unanswered and will always be unanswered. What makes a loser? Money has very little to do with it. Hanging around rich people who make alot of money and have alot of socalled power because of this money does not make a person prosperous. You know what makes people feel powerful, rich and successfull?AND I SAID FEEEEL. Guess what! I-dont-know, and neither do you. The only thing I think makes success and growth happen, would be victory. Victory in whatever you do. Of course this is impossible because we are only human and so-are-you. We need someone to talk to and someone to sweep the floors........incomplete I say incomplete. Once again incomplete. Ya know people like you, and I say you, because in this time frame there are people like you who deem it necessary to push others to the ground. Your bullies. And you know it. But we losers,we poor,the ones who do try, but for some reason never get beyond because of the cards being delt by the ones at the top of this heap of change, we always have it stacked to our disadvantages, and you seem to think that because your willing to spend some time with some success story your going to learn something new. Maybe you will, maybe you wont. Maybe the story is just like anything else successfull, meaning you gotta be perfect, almost perfect in your life from start to finish and if your not, you better have alot of money to wield power, which means you probably got a trust from your family. Which leads me to this ? Can you be a loser and have alot of money? THE ANSWER PLEASE> TAKE A GUESS > WRONG! YOUR INCORRECT. The correct answer is you can be a loser and still be rich, prosperous ,wealthy, powerfull.O, and succesfull. Examples of this come mainly from the middle eastern world. Examples:SADDAM,OSOMA, MOST OF THE SAUDI OIL WORLD, AKMADINAJADE...ect. So, your so smart, and coool ,and nonloooserish, and you follow every supposed success story probably? right? Isnt that right? LOSER!
  • This is an interesting comment.





    Let me clarify, not being a loser, doesn’t mean you have to be someone who is interested in making a tons of money. What I mean is that you should surround yourself with people who are interested in growing.




    1. I never said if you don't have money you're a loser. I said if you do things I listed above, then yes you are. Your right, you can be rich and still be a loser, but to become rich required that you did at one point work your ass off to get there. For example, there are plenty of musicians who become losers because they get caught up with the drugs etc. Sometimes, they even end up loosing everything because of their loser qualities.

    2. Saddam, Osama, and the other Saudi guys...How are they "losers" Saddam ran a country, Osama ran successful terrorist operations, the oil guys practically dictate the World's oil supply. They aren't losers, but they're definitely evil.**I do not support them what so ever**

    3. This is a big question, but it has been answered. It's given...if you hang out with the wrong people, you get brought down to their level.
  • Pavel
    No, I definitely do not think this is a good argument, my friend. It is like to say: who wants to be happy, should smile. Certainly, keep smiling might help. But it is not the point.
  • Pavel,

    I don't understand the correlation, please elaborate.
  • I have a "loser" in my life...

    The problem is, sometimes it's me! :)

    Stuck In An Abusive Relationship

    Fortunately, that's happening significantly less and less with each passing day. Still, I think almost all of us have that little voice in us, somewhere, somehow, even just a little bit... that introduces uncertainty, doubt, mediocrity, resignation, into our lives.
  • uncertainty is good. it creates surprise :)
  • Very interesting... not just your post itself but the comments that follow. Educational, indeed. About Neil Patel's goal of befriending 5 billionaires, that's a tall one, but it's very possible. And yes, networking like crazy will enable you meet with and befriend billionaires. Also, a very important fact is that we are only a few people closer to ANYone we want to meet - be him/her a millionaire or not. The more people we know, the closer we are to the next person, millionaire or billionaire. Thanks for sharing, AJ.
  • I believe in the 6 degrees of separation. Having that in mind, you are closer than you think to people who you can potentially benefit from.
  • tom
    I have struggled with this for years, surrounding myself with people that were an energy drain.

    I think blogging has given me a great opportunity to meet other motivational individuals and it keeps me very focused on my goals.

    Thanks AJ, look forward to becoming great friends.
  • Amanda
    Tom,
    Sometimes people surrond themselves with "losers" because it make them feel superior to the so-called "losers". Makes them feel wanted and needed, and lets face it who does not like being needed. But in an effort to help out your "loser" friends you were in fact harming them, by enabling them, making them dependent on you. Now you feel drained, but people forget that they were doing this not just for the help out the "losers"but it also filled some need in them, whether you need to feel like a do-gooder or a martyr.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded people and your personal growth will excel!

    Likewise :)
  • Interesting article and I agree. I think instead of using the word "loser" you should say people whom you don't admire, are a drain on your energy or time, or whose values are very different, etc. You need to get out in the world and experience things different than yourself because that is often how you learn what it takes to get what you want or have life changing experiences. However you can't surround yourself with poor people if you want to be rich. You can't surround yourself with negativity if you want to win. In this way you avoid the categories and teach people how to get what THEY want by not spending so much time with people who want something else entirely.
  • well put Chuck, and this doesn't apply for just being rich, it applies for anyone looking to live a proactive and passionate life.
  • I agree that we shouldn't surround ourselves with loses- but I wouldn't use your definitions necessarily.

    For me, the real losers of this world are those people who are mostly negative, self-absorbed and seem to attract chronic problems that last a long time.

    These are the real losers and if you have friends like that you should definitely DUMP THEM
  • Makes sense to me Robert. I agree with the "attract chronic problems that last a long time..." Get rid of those people!
  • Ha I'm like 5 of those things.
    I don't have a job, I party all the time, I sleep late, I have no income coming in and I focus on girls a lot.

    But I do push myself out of my comfort zone a lot. Why? I'm training to teach men how to pick up girls. I'm also an entrepeneur. I love how your article and most of society would label me a loser.
  • Murphy,
    The fact that you are training yourself to teach men how to pick up girls, shows that your interested in doing something with your life. Also, an important indicator is pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I wouldn't classify you as a loser, just someone who needs more discipline.

    So pickup artist huh, that's interesting. A lot of pick up artist are able to take the stuff I teach and use it to pick up on girls.
  • Jason Chauhan
    What if I'm a loser?
  • Amanda
    Ask you're self why you feel you are a loser. And if you determine that some of your behavior could qualify you as a "loser", then try and change that behavior. Just realizing that you could improve yourself and your life by changing certain habits /behavior, you are already on your way to not being a "loser". Self evaluation is healthy for everyone, and needs to be done periodically, and change is need to not just to succeed sometimes to merely survive.
    "Change is the only Constant in life"
  • Well said Amanda. You are right, Self evaluation is healthy and is necessary for you to make a change and grow.
  • Then you should continuously and thoroughly read my blog every single day.
  • Janae Bustos
    What if my boyfriend is a loser?
  • DUMP HIM! he is wasting your time.
  • Ace
    Hahahahahahahaha, you are such a strong advocate for DUMPing, AJ. I think she should try and help, - then DUMP if no changes are made.
  • This comment was made by my brother gf :)
  • Sushil Mayer
    I have many friends that are losers. Should I help them out, or dump them?
  • DUMP THEM! They will only prevent you from achieving
    the goals you seek after.
  • Ace
    LOL, AJ. That sounds a bit cruel, but true.

    I think one should at least make an attempt to help, - then DUMP if no changes are forth coming. After all, friends are there to help and be truthful to one another.
  • The people you should dump are the people who aren't interested changing. Having reached the level to consider dumping them means that you've already tried and tried and tried...
  • After reading this article and thought a little at who are the people who I spend most of my time I've came to the conclusion that they are people who make not 10 times less than me, but 20 times or more, most of them are students without jobs or small paying jobs. I've quit college and now I have a business that is working well, they are still in college, or in that first job after college that is paid awful.
  • That's great that you have people in your life who make 20x your income. Consider hanging out with people who more enlightened than you in areas you wish to get more involved in. This is the proactive way to grow your business.
  • Sean
    If you read what she wrote, I think she means 20+ times less than her.
  • True, thanks for that. It's obviously smart for to find people who are on the opposite side of her scale then. So most of the comment still applies :)
  • Holy moses!! Now that is an indepth reply right there - WOW!!! :)
  • Very True. I'm glad I provid enough insight to really get people to think.
  • Michele Babcock-Nice
    I have enjoyed reading your articles, and have obtained quality information from them. Your current article about Losers is informative, however, you have presented some ideas with which I disagree. I ask that you keep an open mind while reading my commentary since I simply have a different perspective.
    Firstly, your definition of a "loser" and what causes someone to be a "loser" may not be the same as what others think. You bullet 7 identifiers for classifying someone as being a loser, however, I must contend with at least 3 of them. Please read as follows:
    1) One can be unemployed and/or not have a job for several reasons, including looking and trying extremely hard, and still not being hired. For example, I have sought employment for the past 13 months in 160 positions. I remain unemployed, and not for lack of effort. For additional information on my background and experience, please reference my profile on oDesk.
    2) In regard to having no money, one can save and invest for years and have much motivation to make money, however, all it takes is for the Stock Market to decline or to pay lawyers to represent one in a divorce, and the money is gone. I have lots of motivation to make money, however, due to other reasons, I no longer have it. Good-bye greenbacks.
    3) A willingness to step out of one's comfort zone can be a good thing; please provide additional information and clarification on that. Healthy risk-taking is good for positive personal development. One should do what they are comfortable with.
    You also speak about surrounding yourself with successful people. Is your definition of "successful" being someone who makes millions of dollars? If so, there are several ways one can perceive this. I have known several multi-millionaires as well as people, such as myself, who presently live at or below poverty level. Because someone rakes in the dough hand over fist does not necessarily mean they are successful in my book. In fact, more often in my experience, it means that they have more potential of being cut-throat than the average God-fearing person, and they may not have sensitivity toward others regarding the means they go about making their bucks.
    Don't get me wrong - I would love to be wealthy, but please do not mistake wealth with "success" or not having money as being a "loser." There are so many wonderful, good-hearted people out there who have little to nothing. Being successful and how one defines it all depends on one's perspective.
    I must question the priorities of individuals who focus solely on making money or who have a goal of befriending 5 billionaires in one year. Certainly, everyone is unique and different, and people have the freedom to pursue what they choose. However, simply because a person does not seem to meet your criteria of not being successful and of being a loser does not mean that she or he is, in fact, a "loser." She or he may be a "winner" whom very few people recognize since they are too focused on making money, perhaps having the wrong priorities.
    Money, from my own knowledge and experience, does not necessarily provide happiness. What truly provides happiness is genuine self-love, development, and understanding, spending time and being with family and friends whom one loves, and doing the best that one can in life to live as Jesus would want, while also being a role-model for others.
    I respect those with wealth and understand that it likely took much hard-work and endless effort to achieve what they have. I would like to think that there are many rich folks out there who are truly sensitive and caring individuals, who do not care about simply doing things just to make themselves look good; I just have not met them yet. Perhaps you could point me in the right direction, and remember, all that glitters is not gold.
    Thank you for considering my differing perspective. I hope that you achieve all the success that you desire in this potentially prosperous new year, and I hope that you think twice before discounting someone as a potential "loser" who may not be one. Remember, she or he may be a "winner" in disguise, but you were unable to see it since your focus was on something else that you believed to be more important. It's all just a matter of priorities and perspective. Please support your opinions with more research, facts, and identification of reference materials. Have a successful day!
  • Amanda
    Well written response. Hope you find employment soon. However there is something to be said about the company you keep, negative people do tend to bring one down, positive people have a way of uplifting others around them.
  • Your right and this is exactly what I preach :D !
  • Hi Michelle,

    I agree on everything you said. If you take a closer look at the post, I did clarify this in parenthesis

    1) One can be unemployed and/or not have a job for several reasons, including looking and trying extremely hard, and still not being hired…

    I wrote down “No job (not looking hard enough)” It’s understandable that one can have no job even though they are vigorously looking for one. However, it is unacceptable to have NO JOB and having little to desire to look for one.

    2) In regard to having no money, one can save and invest for years and have much motivation to make money, however, all it takes is for the Stock Market to decline…

    I wrote down “No money (lack of motivation to make it)” Many people are in the dumps right now. I would never feel bad for someone because if they wanted to make money well then they can. Obviously some exceptions of medical conditions can apply, but I’m not talking about those people. If a person has no money and they aren’t doing about it, then yes they are losers.

    3) A willingness to step out of one’s comfort zone can be a good thing…

    Your right, it was my mistake I didn’t put the word NOT, which I have updated the article with :)

    You also speak about surrounding yourself with successful people. Is your definition of “successful” being someone who makes millions of dollars

    I also clarified this: Let me clarify, not being a loser, doesn’t mean you have to be someone who is interested in making a tons of money.

    For example, Mother Teresa didn’t take a dime, yet she spent her time helping others, growing spiritually and mentally.
    I used the example of my friend Neil because making money is of my interest, which is why I said “wow” to it.

    I hope I covered everything you said!
  • Michele Babcock-Nice
    AJ,
    I appreciate your time in providing your reply and clarification. This shows you are very open-minded and can handle constructive criticism. That is an excellent quality since it is one that helps people grow and develop.
    Additionally, I totally agree about Mother Teresa - an awesome role model!
    Thanks for considering my perspective; I hope it was helpful. I enjoy your site.
    :-) Michele
  • Here's my short take on a couple of points...

    What is a loser? A loser is a person who does not know where they are going...they do not have goals. Would you get in your car and start driving without a destination? Then why would you live your life that way?

    What is a successful person? The successful person knows where they are going. That is what having goals is all about. You have goals, take action every day to move in that direction, you are successful. Success is not the destination; it is taking action everyday toward your goals.

    One thing about Mother Teresa. She was one of the richest women in the world!! Say what?? Not rich like we in America think of it, but she was. When it came to money, all she had to do was ask and she had all she needed. She chose to use the money in her charity instead of on herself.

    And just like Mother Teresa, all we have to do is ask, and it shall be given. So ask, and set your goal and work steadily toward it and it will become a reality.

    Michele, reading your post reminded me of myself. And I realized the longer the list of reasons got, the more they started looking like excuses. That is my experience.

    Forget the past and all the reasons why your life is the way it is now. Look forward, decide what you want. Take a step, then take another one.

    Well, my post did not turn out to be so short, but it was heartfelt. Thank you.
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