People generally like to be around other people who are like themselves. A concept Matthew Ferry taught me relates it to the way it works within tribes. A tribe consists of a (x) amount of people who are all similar. They all talk, walk and do things a similar way. When someone from tribe A comes to interacts with tribe B, tribe B will be a little standoffish and uncomfortable. This is mainly because the person from tribe A is different and tribe B doesn’t trust people who are different. Has there ever been a time when you met someone you didn’t know and felt like you two just didn’t get along? Obviously this was because you two are from two totally different “tribes”.
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU
You may be thinking, why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me. In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving. The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to becoming friends. From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.
How do you get the person in front of you to FEEL COMFORTABLE with you?
1. Match Their Tonality
- Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
- How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.
2. The Way They Talk
People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest. Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.
- Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
- Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
- Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.
3. Follow Their Rate of Speech
Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w. If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a slick fast talkin’ sales person. We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”
The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid (which obviously is NOT true).
This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.
4. Repeat & Approve
This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget. After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, that’s exciting). This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen 
5. Body Language
Matching body language is also very critical. I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.
- Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
- Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
- Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
- Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
- Head Nods: Instantly
Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.
Nice information source and an straightforward read. I’m glad ive found your web site because it will facilitatemy study of NLP. The map is definately not the territory!Not too sure if i should be following the Grinder or Bandler school of NLP currently
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